Year 3 October (The Great South Run)

I have just read back last month's blog several times to be honest, the thing that hit me was just how amazed I was at how well I had done, the reasons for doing well even if one goal was to be underachieved it was not a failure but part of the overall success of my long term goals. The other point that's worth mentioning is that I did not crumble under the massive pressure I was putting myself under which I believe did not happen because this was running related I had a year long goal to achieve them and they were achieved in sections like a jigsaw puzzle so without one the other's would not have happened. My goals are here September's Blog so I won't repeat them again.

Training for this month was again on looking back an eye opener I only ran 4 times before the GSR but 4 different distances as well, the first Pieces of Eight this was make or break day all of my dreams hopes and fears were rolled up in this one race my longest run for over a year the run that would tell me if I was really ready for the GSR. I nailed it totally 100% nailed it. At this point I knew that my goal was achievable, the pressure was lifted off my shoulders I was at peace with my running self.

The other point worth noting is I achieved this result running on my own, battling those running demons pushing myself thinking for myself making the right decisions. (I rarely make the right decisions when I'm under pressure) If you look at the mile splits above never have I been so proud of a run than this one, the time groupings are amazing normally the are a lot slower in the second half of a race. I am very proud of this run and all the great new information it has given me.

The next run was my six and a half mile distance 2nd Training Run this run at the time seemed horrendous slow cumbersome its not until I download my garmin that I see it was a perfect training run it was just my head messing me about. The next run was a 4 mile run 3rd Training Run this really was the bad run the run from hell it would have been so easy to stop to give up, thankfully I don't know how to give up so kept going safe in the knowledge this was my bad run and it was ten days before race day, so grateful in the end to get it out of the way.

My last training run was also my first Parkrun 1st Parkrun Where have I been! these are amazing friendly easy to enter runs ideal for people starting or wanting to start running there is no pressure on time just turn up (with your barcode) and run or run/walk. My friend Del offered to run with me so I knew he would push me that little bit more than I would have run myself this being a 5k run means this is sort of a speed run a run to push hard breath heavy I beat my P/B by 52 seconds well pleased with that time although I need to mention that was so hard and it hurt a little as well, I need this in my training to help me improve as a runner, the only downside is I can only make 1 in 3 on a regular basis so will have to adapt my training around this minor setback.

The big event, all of my hopes and dreams for the whole year have been for this one day to run the perfect race, as I have mentioned before no matter what amazing things I have done in the past or will do in the future this is MY race, the race that matters to me in my heart. It was even more important this year as last year I run whilst injured GSR 2012 I needed to run and run well to achieve and improve on what I could have run last year. Mentally failing this year was not an option because it would have been tough to come back from the disappointment of not achieving what I know I have in me.

So on the day of the race I met some friends whilst wondering around which was really cool, it was good to see you all, I then met up with Becca Jones you look amazing well done I still struggle with the fact of how far we have both come since our journeys began and that first GSR in 2011. Not starting this race with Becca would just seem wrong, we have both evolved in slightly different directions and goals, we are now both experienced enough to run our own race without each other and meet up after the race. (I do miss not running together but am grown up enough (just) to know its best for both of us.)

This year I had the privilege to run with Lorraine Albon My Diabetic Doctor and her friend Peggy Field. Having set my goals for the GSR Lorraine said she would run with me and get me round in said time. I am more aware now of faster runners who give up their race time to run with me (in races or training) and what they are compromising in doing so. It was so great running with Lorraine knowing for the first I was able to give my all injury free and run the time that both Lorraine and myself knew I could. It means a lot to me so Thank You Lorraine and Peggy.

The race itself and my target time was 1:55:something that is a challenging target that requires hard work and a little luck. We all know about how windy the day was going to be and it did not disappoint so my target was realistically adjusted to a sub 2:00:00 Pressure is now off, just run the best that I can run is all I need to do, what will be will be. The race starts and we're off as you can see from the splits below the first mile's are fast but comfortable(ish) miles 4-8 are a more steady pace but still I am pushing myself to keep at that speed. At the 10k split time I am only 17 seconds slower than my P/B this really is on running fast feeling good this is running at its best.

The one thing I noticed about myself during that part of the race is how hard it was, surely running should get easier? Not if you're pushing yourself further than you have before it will hurt it will be tough but it will be worth it at the end. Then we get to the 8 mile marker 42 seconds faster than the pieces of eight what an amazing boost for me as we hit the wind head on.

To say this was not tough on me is an understatement it was very hard and mentally I struggled with it Lorraine and Peggy both stopped several times and jogged back to me as I was falling back this is where I got my time, had I been on my own I would not have been able to push myself that hard. The strong winds cost me about 90 seconds looking at my splits and being realistic in the end. So room to improve next year then!!!!  I have no regrets about this race the weather is the weather it was the same for everyone I'm just glad to have been injury free and done myself justice. GSR 2013 My official time and placing is GSR Race Result 2013 Add Race Number 17080

Lastly I made it on to the telly live, running round HMS Victory which is kinda cool shame I did not tape it. I also made the local paper as well, Whilst I am pleased I did, take the me out of the story and replace me with anyone else it is a great piece about how the NHS does work, and how great Doctors are at helping patients and what an amazing person Lorraine Albon is, I am not the only person Lorraine has encouraged into running. I hope you can read it ok.

         

Year 3 September

Again it has taken a little while to write this post, I find that waiting until I want to write makes it easier and less stressful. I have been thinking about what to write for this month too say nothing has happened would be untrue I just needed to think about what I have done and focus on the amazing things I have done this month. The focus is on the Great South Run and my three goals for the year so with less than one month to go I will update you on my progress.

Goal 1 To be injury Free. 

Mission accomplished I have wrote about this progress many times nothing else needs to be said I am still injury free and loving the new freedom it brings.

Goal 2 To be at my lowest weight for the Great South Run. 

Work in progress and to be honest the one goal I will fall short in (notice how I did not use the word failure) This is not new weight loss just the weight I had regained I was hovering around 102 kg to 104 kg as the norm at the start of the year I am now hovering around 97 kg to 99 kg My goal was to run the Great South Run at 96 kg or less. More on the importance of reaching this goal or not later in this blog.

Goal 3 To run the Great South Run in under 2:00:00.

This is the one goal I have no control over, the weather maybe bad and fast times are not possible, I may get injured on the run. What I can do is give myself the best opportunity to achieve that goal. Goal 1 has certainly made it possible. Goal 2 has also made it possible. The rest is down to me, too train smart to rest smarter to get my head in the right space that I don't have a meltdown with the pressure. 

My training this month has been amazing I have built up my stamina and being injury free means I can now feel fitter and healthier when I run I don't feel like a beginner being out of breath and struggling after a short distance I run with confidence with the knowledge I won't breakdown. I upped my distances to 6.7 miles for training but noticed at the 10k (6.2miles) mark. 

I was fast faster than I had been for 15 months I run my first run about 1 minute slower than my P/B that made me sit up and take notice my running had improved got better (never easier as there are always ways to improve) my next run I broke my P/B by a mind boggling amazing 29 seconds WOW!!! I felt so good it was unreal. Just checked notes I did not want to run that day. P/B 1

The following week I run again no expectations just the distance as I build up my training for the Great South Run. I run another 34 seconds quicker than last week in 7 days I have just chopped off 1 minute 3 seconds off my fastest time in a week. P/B 2 I have an 8 mile run in October I am so looking forward to this run pushing the boundaries and giving me the chance to be ready. Before I never looked forward to running 8 miles before the Great South Run this time I am. 

Back to the weight goal I have accepted that if my running has improved that much and my weight is lower than the start of the year if I am happy with my running my fitness then I am happy that I have lost some weight and kept it off. Am I disappointed I may fail short in one of my goals? No never we must adjust and adapt our goals as we need too. If I was running at the same pace as before then the weight loss would have more meaning. 

My Goals are still there all 3 goals have been successful (insert GSR time here lol) I will take where I am today over anything with less than a month to go its all systems go. I will be at the start line and this year I will control my race how fast or slow I run, when I take a walking break not when I need one or if I need one. 

Great South Run I am ready for you at the 3rd attempt you are mine for the taking I am running a race for the first time ever with a time in mind I will not fail, I have trained, rested, improved and learnt so much about my running this year. Here's to the perfect race. (weather permitting.) 

Does this last statement scare the hell out of me? yes it does as I don't react that well to pressure but I aim to channel this fear in a positive way as this race really is the be all and end all for me, If there was only ever one race, then its the Great South Run 10 miles of local bliss and a head and heart full of memories of previous years. I hope to cry again this year because it means so much to me to get to where I am today. Crying at 1st GSR   

    

    

     

This Is Me......

Who was I and who am I now?

Why is this post in my Thinking Slimmer blog and not a stand alone blog? I have thought long and hard about what was best to do and hopefully as I continue to write this blog it will become clear at the end.

For as long as I can remember I was always the fat kid the kid to be picked on the kid to have fun with at the expense of other kids, I was I suppose other peoples entertainment. As a child if I was the fat kid being picked on then other kids were grateful it was me and not them. I am sure that there must have been rest bites when other kids were picked on and I was left alone for a while feeling safe that I had some breathing space whilst someone else had the misfortune of the lives at that point being made unbearable. We were only kids but it has blighted my life even now. I am suffering from who I was which is why I am writing this post in the hope of raising awareness and being able to move on. 

Although to be honest there are many adults who should know better but don't they know what they are doing praying on weak people because they can and it makes them feel powerful and important.

So I fell into a situation whereby I become the jolly fat kid always trying to be funny always trying to get people onside so that I would be part of the crowd feel included, wanted like whatever metaphor you would like to use. The other point that has just come to me as I am writing this is that I was always the last fat kid to be put in the team I was never picked always the last one left you could hear the groans as they worked out I would be in there team before everyone had been picked. 

Clearly this happened all through my school life and it also happened during my work life as well (not everywhere I worked.) So am I the victim or does my natural protective behaviour encourage people to bully or verbally and/or mentally abuse me? Well I think a bit of both is the truth, when you get stuck in a cycle then you tend to stay there and so it goes around and around never stopping just waiting for the next group of people.

All the time I am perceived as the fat jolly bloke always trying to get people to like me to be part of the cool gang not be part the losers gang always trying to be funny failing a lot of the time because I'm not being funny sometimes being funny and loving the buzz of being funny at last (like comfort eating) that feeling never lasted very long ever. I could write more I would like to say a lot more but as this is current and still very real I have to very careful about what I say so, best to say nothing.

Some of you know what has been happening, some of you don't know, some of you know more than others no one knows everything because I find it difficult to talk, I don't want to break down in front of friends and family, to those close to me who I know want to listen I know you are there it means a lot to know you are there and you are amazing people for being there for me and allowing me to try and get this mess sorted for hopefully the last time in my life.

For those people who have been making my life a misery I will not take it anymore I don't need it I don't want it and most importantly I will do something about it I am no longer the victim who allows this Bullying to carry on anymore. A few people have made it perfectly clear about how they see me and what they think of me. I am telling you right now you have made your feelings very clear I have suffered enough I don't need you to like me I don't need you to have any part in my life than is necessary, don't try and be nice to me because people like you are not worth bothering about I DON'T NEED YOUR APPROVAL I just don't need you period.

Who am I now?

I am Darin McCloud a person who for the past 2 years and 8 months has decided to make changes to my life that will benefit me. I have lost 5 stone and kept it off for over two years I have learnt to love myself for the first time ever this is still work in progress as the first half of this blog will testify but I am getting there I am taking control of my life I am not allowing life to control me anymore. I have become an athlete, I am a marathon runner (I so love that title)  I run 5k 10K half marathons and duathlons (run bike run) I cycle for fun thinking nothing of going out for 30 or 40+ miles just because I can.

I am an inspiration to many people (for a long time I was uncomfortable with this title but not anymore) Not once has any of these people ever had anything but respect for me as a human being they have shown me how I deserve and should be treated and I love that way of being treated. They have opened my eyes to the way I allowed other people to treat me that was not conducive to my long term mental wellbeing. The more I changed into the person I am today, the more it seems to me these people tried to make my life worse as they were losing the power and control over me they once had.

I have respect for myself, I love myself, I care about myself, and more importantly I know that I have to put myself first rather than other people because without doing that first I cannot move on. If that sounds tough then hard luck, the previous 45 years of my life has not been a bed of roses, the rest of my life I have left will be better. This is the new me take it or leave it, but treat me with respect I am not the fat kid desperate to fit in I know I fit in, I help make a difference to so many people from all walks of life who like me have struggled for whatever reasons to change their lives for the better so they give the lives they deserve.

Its not easy its a long journey but taken with like minded new friends its a journey done with love and support the way humans should look after each other. I will make mistakes along the way because I am not perfect nor will I ever be perfect but they will be honest mistakes as I learn how to be the new me so that each day I am better than I was the day before.  

    

    

Year 3 August

Lets start with cycling, I am loving being able to cycle at work it allows me to have extra training taking the pressure off my legs walking around this is a win win and I'm sure is helping me in the long term, the fact that I am also good with doing exercise and not recording it is a great plus and a move away from only doing stuff that can be recorded that I always clung onto to the detriment of myself.. Some days are better than others when it comes to cycling at work depending on where in the city I am working. But this is wholly a giant positive and one I am so pleased with.

The next BIG news that was hinted at in the last blog is that I am now officially signed off from the hospital reference my physiotherapy on my ankle. That makes me injury Free for (realistically) the first time since I started exercising. Injury Free I cannot explain in words how amazing it feels to be able to say that nor did I think (honestly) that I would ever achieve this.

Being injury free brings a whole new way of running. Guilt free running! knowing that I can run and I'm not waiting for something to hurt, breakdown or slowdown the healing process. It makes running even more enjoyable than it ever was, just because before I was carrying, nursing or making a new injury.

I have done a few runs this month with 3 of them in Esher it has a very steep hill running down it is ok but you still have to slow yourself down and running up it is so tough. I enjoyed the challenge of those runs and the opportunity to run somewhere new, it always gives me a buzz knowing I can run somewhere different. The other important note to this is that whilst these runs were short in distance due to time restraints the hill was steep and my body was able to cope with this without any reaction (apart from sore muscles for a short period)

The other runs during the month were all about just running enjoying it and slowly building up my stamina as the Great South Run is at the end of October, I believe I have given myself the best opportunity to achieve one of my long term goals of this year which is to run the race injury free, I have some other goals related to this at the moment I can see that being 1 goal reached and 1 goal failed. The truth is that injury free will be the one that makes me the happiest, proudest person I could ever be.

I had the honour and privilege to meet up with Sarah Elliston who is part of Team Thinking Slimmer for the Palace 2 Palace Cycle Ride and her husband John to cycle from Havant to Port Solent. It was so lovely to cycle with someone else this is the first time I have cycled with someone in training it was great to chat as we cycled along but more importantly I learnt something that will make the cycle ride more enjoyable and fun for me personally and that is not to take my road bike. Thank you Sarah and John it was amazing.

If this was a race then it would be ok this a is a cycle for charity and whilst I have been cycling for over 12 months now other people in the team have not nor have they cycled that long or over that sort of distance until training for this event so I will be taking Hazel's hybrid bike for the day and look forward to cycling with new friends. I am so glad I found this out before the day.

As I have just mentioned it is a charity event, the reason for doing this event is that Sandra Roycroft-Davis asked me if I would be interested I owe Sandra so much, more than I could ever repay so of course I said yes. The other reason is that its for the The Princes Trust this is Sandra's favorite charity so thats good enough for me.

On that note I make no apologies for doing this, each member of the team has to pay for their own entry and expenses for the day or weekend and raise £90 each on top of that commitment. Team Thinking Slimmer has 8 members so requires in total £720 The link takes you to the fundraising page you can sponsor team members individually or sponsor Team Thinking Slimmer as a group.

If you have had help from Thinking Slimmer from Sandra or from anyone in the group and you can spare a few pounds to put into the pot then please do, this is Sandra's favorite charity this is Team Thinking Slimmer this is your team not ours lets give something back to Sandra lets make her even prouder of us than she already is lets show Sandra we care about her as much as she cares about us. We all are Team Thinking Slimmer. If you read this blog outside of the Thinking Slimmer group and you could spare a few pounds its for a fantastic cause.

I may in the near future have something else exciting to tell you about, if it happens for me it will be an amazing experience, the reason for not saying anymore is that it requires me to be selected and that won't be done until later in the year and is not necessarily a foregone conclusion although I am hopeful it will happen either way I will tell you about it when I can. I am very excited by the way! The other reason for mentioning this is that if I had not done what I have over the past 2 years and 8 months I would not have been asked if I was interested in doing this, it just shows yet again how far I have come in my journey to be even considered to be asked about it.

To all my friends who have helped me recently I thank you (I have to be careful how I write this) You support has been amazing. I am still struggling with events just when I thought things were starting to get better it seems it will get even worse before that happens, whilst I am struggling with events quite badly if I'm honest I have a support network in place already and getting help from where its needed. I am seriously thinking of speaking to my doctor about these events but I feel this would be a backward step to somewhere I hoped I would never have to go back too.

To Hazel I am so sorry that I am struggling on this front that I/it is making you life uncomfortable/miserable I am trying so hard even on the bad days, I am still fighting the darkness I will never give up, please do not give up on me I know you care even when I push you away. xxx

Right lets end up on a massive positive when I started my journey I had two co-morbidities Type 2 Diabetes which we all know how well that has gone even if I will stay a diabetic the rest of my life. the other one was Sleep Apnoea and the dreaded c-pap machine. I have not used my machine for months and months as the noise of the machine was keeping me awake (self defeating) so I stopped using it and hazel never gave me any digs as I was now breathing properly through the night.

Two weeks ago I had an appointment at hospital and was given a night monitor kit which I took home how they find anything out is beyond me because it is impossible to sleep properly with all those wires all over you. I took it back and was told I would hear from them in 6- 8 weeks which is the norm for these tests. Last Friday I get a phone message to call the nurse at the hospital I am now panicking as this is less than two weeks, they only call with bad news right?

Wrong! The phone call went. Well done Darin you don't have Sleep Apnoea anymore can you bring the c-pap machine back in the next few days so that we can use it for someone else, well done on what you have achieved don't put the weight back on because we don't want to see you again. What really? was my reply Yes really the reply.

I am so proud to have achieved something without the need for surgery and it just goes to show that with perseverance and patience you can improve your health for the better by choosing a better lifestyle than the one you once had this has taken 2 years and 8 months to reach this goal to be signed off from the hospital. I also could not of achieved this without the help and support of Thinking Slimmer.

Do I wish to be lighter than I am? Yes I do, am I in a rush to get there? No this news trumps any more weight loss. As long as I don't weigh more than I do now as long as I can run and cycle, I am happy in the short term I don't need to be the slimmest the fittest the strongest the fastest "I need to be me the best that I can be" (Trevor Silvester) as long as I continue to live by that mantra I will have a better longer life than I would have had before I started my journey.    

         





  





 


























    

 

Year 3 July

Good news I think this may be a short blog It has taken 2 weeks to sit down and write this as I have struggled to add anything meaningful. I have even reread June's post to make sure I don't repeat myself.

I think the main thing to come out of July was that I only trained for one day it may have been a 32 mile cycle ride and a 2.3 mile run later in the day, I am completely fine with that stat and that is the biggest learning curve for me.

Regular readers will know how much I have struggled with not being able to run whilst injured and/or not fully fit thus never allowing my body to fully recover, the fact that I have allowed my body the chance to relax and recover whilst not beating myself up for being lazy or worrying about falling out of love of running or training.

I am so much more mentally stronger than I used to be, for that I am grateful to my pods to the support of Sandra and Trevor and my running partners who have always helped and supported me (I like to thing its a two way thing with my running partners) you know who you are.

The important thing to note is that it has taken over 12 months if not longer to reach this point and many little chats and pep talks along the way plus no one giving up on me when I really struggled with how to handle the advice in the right way. This has been a long and sometimes painful (mentally) part of my journey and it shows the importance of patience on both sides as now I can see that all the advice and help I received make's sense now but at the time I could not process it into a meaningful way forward for me.

So thats it really for this month, as we are halfway through the month I can say that a load of great things have happened already so next months blog will have plenty of good news and feelgood factor stuff as well. Blimey I am even exciting myself with the build up to the next blog (no pressure then)  

Year 3 June

This months Blog will be about coming to the end (hopefully) of a long and difficult part of a section of my journey, (Injuries) which as you read will seem strange as I still have one injury for which I am receiving NHS support in the form of Physio for my weak right ankle. I am allowed to run which make it seem less like an injury and more like an inconvenience with that in mind I have to go more careful and not get carried away and make things worse. 

I have agreed with Roz (physio) that I will only run 3 miles at a time and too not run every day so realistically that means once or twice a week (shift work permitting) I can still ride my bike as well so that means I can do a decent level of training as I build my stamina back up to previous levels and beyond.

I have some good news on the work front in that I am now a cyclist at work, it has taken almost 6 months to get to this point I do despair at the speed my managers work at sometimes but we are here now and that is what matters the most. The guy who rode in my team before me decided he did not wish to cycle anymore, the timing was right as I was still struggling with my calf problems so I decided that cycling would help my legs better as less walking means less impact on my joints and will aid recovery better between training runs. 

Yesterday I went out on the bike for the first time with a colleague and also had my bike assessment to make sure I am capable of riding a bike on the road. I have to say I really loved the freedom of riding the bike and it will clearly help my training that I get some bike riding in during work time a win win situation. As you may know I like a medal or something to show my achievement sadly nothing from work I did mention to Hazel my disappointment and she clearly has too much time on her hands at work did this for me. 

I appear to have reached the light at the end of the tunnel it has been a long and dark tunnel for sure as you have read previously I still worry looking back at them that I moan too much about my lot when I know i am just recording how my journey is going good or bad, slow or fast. I have spent the past few days thinking about the content of this blog and this allows me to take a step outside the box and look in and see the wood from the trees.   

Running the duathlons was something I had set my heart on doing it was a natural progression to combine the two disciplines of running and cycling and like the marathon I don't regret doing them. Was my body in a state to complete 3 duathlons in 3 months? Truthfully not and twisting my ankle on the beach of race two did not help my cause. I believe I am a better stronger person for entering all 3 races rather than pulling out. 

So I have no regrets on taking on a remarkable challenge that pushed me to my limits and beyond and whilst I found getting injured and not being able to train properly frustrating and at the time upsetting I know that getting to the start line of all 3 races was the victory for me.

Without being at the duathlons I would not have met my sports massage therapist Amanda Fuller with respect to all the other professionals I have dealt with Amanda spoke my language everything she said about my injuries made sense everything she said about repairing my muscles made sense I understood what she was saying I understood what she would achieve this was another moment of clarity for me that I knew this would be the way forward in getting me to run injury free.

I had 3 massages in just under 4 weeks each one of them hurt and at the time I will be honest and say I expected to feel different than I did after the 3rd massage but that is managing expectations its not till afterwards when recovery has happened and you run again that you can see and feel the improvements this is shown in the last of my 10K runs and training runs afterwards Caen 10K Training Run 1 Training Run 2 Training Run 3 

Run 2 was a P/B for 5k this was achieved without any intention of running that fast it just shows that I have a stock level of fitness and that the massages did work and have freed my legs and muscles to work better its also worth noting that my ankle is still weak and will take some time to heal properly but being able to run and cycle makes all the difference, I will take heed of what the physio says about running and will not over do things. I plan on having a sports massage once a month to help keep my body in shape to do what I need it to do.

I saw my podiatrist last week and updated him on my ankle and the physio I am having he said I need a better ankle support and he recommend the Aircast A60 ankle support as worn by Andy Murray. This is a better more robust ankle support that I can wear whilst running and cycling that will offer better protection and support and hopefully aid recovery of my weak ankle. Aircast A60 Ankle Bracelet

Things are looking up, the world looks a better place than it has done in a long time, the reason for this is allowing time to pass, allowing my body the chance to recover and heal the realization     that you can not rush injuries they take as long as they take to heal, just like the weight loss injuries are not a quick fix solution they take time they need nurturing.

So at long last after all this time I have reached the point where I can accept being injured I can relax about it, take the time needed to recover and heal my body and then go out and do the hard part getting fit again because no matter how much fitness you have taking time out and starting again is hard. Getting your head in the right frame of mind to go out and run again is tough but once you do it a couple of times its like you have never stopped. 

That for me is the reason I struggled so much I was SCARED of not going back out running or cycling again that I would hate doing it again, I really am stupid like I will never run or cycle again hell will freeze over before that ever happens, yet I still doubted myself thank goodness for Thinking Slimmer and the pods because I know that no matter how bumpy my road takes me I will always learn lessons from my journey and know that I will come out the other side a better person than before. Two and half years into my journey I am still amazed that I am still learning things about myself and moving further and further away from the old me.

How cool is that!!! 

As today is the day I am posting this blog I would like to wish my Mum a Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday Mum Love you Loads xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx




      

Year 3 May

After a couple of very challenging months where I have gone from some massive's lows (disappointments) to some highs, from frustration to a new acceptance (calm) from falling out of love with running to falling back in love with running, from hating being injured again and again to accepting that rest sometimes is really the correct thing to do. I have this weekend been off work the sun is shining and for the first time in a long time I am not going out for a run or a cycle ride and the best thing is I DON'T FEEL GUILTY. Freedom comes in many shapes and forms my freedom was always exercise it made me feel good the endorphin rush every time I finished a session.

At this time in my journey freedom comes from the acceptance that my body needs proper time to repair, heal and recover it helps I have spoken with a sports massage therapist who is on the same page as me. She listened to what I was saying she massaged my body from the waist down and spoke with a clear knowledge about what she felt as she worked her way down my legs. I have the utmost confidence in her that she will get me out running. My leg muscles have shown an improvement in the 5 days since my first massage they are still knotted, stiff, hard, but getting looser and the pain is receding everyday.

I will be running again soon but I won't be rushing to get out there it will be for the right reason when I go out  safe in the knowledge I am helping my recovery not hindering it. The fact I am not beating myself up now shows how far I have come in the last couple of months, and the need to have gone through this process to get myself in the right place at the right time with the right help. I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason and you have to find the answers to those problems.

My slimpod has helped me get through the past couple of months. I think its worth pointing out that the slimpods are not just about the weight loss but also about giving you the tools to make better decisions. My previous blogs have been about my struggles to make the right choices to make me see that sometimes you have to do things that seem wrong and go against what you believe in to get to where you want to be. I hope you don't mistake those blogs for whining, moaning, feeling sorry for myself but learning blogs for myself primarily and others reading these blogs to help them along their journeys. I have never doubted nor will I ever doubt the pods, I accept the true path to a better future is a winding road and its how we manage it that defines us, what I do know is I make way better decisions now than before Thinking Slimmer

This month has seen me have 3 race's in 3 weekends the last of my duathlons Duathlon Run to Bike Duathlon Bike to Run Run to Finish Garmin crashed on download so sadly no other details. My last run was painfully slow as my quads had stiffened up so I am just as proud to have slowed down and give myself the chance to finish the race.

A week with no training followed as I prepared my body for my next race Bognor Prom 10K  the first time ever I have run a whole race not something that was planned as you can see my goals were only to complete the race so this was an amazing achievement and shows that whilst your fitness levels do drop there is still plenty in the locker to get you home if the conditions are right on the day.     

Again another week of no training as the focus is the next race on the Bank Holiday Monday Bupa 10000 London This race was run in very hot conditions if you're not aware I am not a hot weather person period, I also will not allow that to stop me from running. I will adjust and make sure that the goal is reached and thats always to finish anything is a bonus. After nearly 2 miles I was struggling so at that point I then knew I would not run the whole race, I had drinks with me the whole way round the course to keep me hydrated, everything I needed to do I did. I am just as proud of this run as the fantastic run the week before.

The day after the Bupa 10000 I had my first massage session my legs are bad very sore,stiff and hard muscles, this massage hurt quite a lot and I'm sure that my next one will hurt even more as the therapist goes deeper next time. so no running so far this week, my choice as I allow my muscles to repair I have done a fair amount of walking as I have to move around and stretch the muscles. Doing nothing would harm them and I don't want that to happen I may well go out for a gentle 3 or 4 mile run before my next massage on Thursday to just run the stiffness out without making them work too hard.

As you have read from my previous blogs I have struggled to come to terms with my trials and tribulations I struggle when I put myself under pressure but so far I always come out the other side having learnt a great deal that will help me in the future, that is the biggest difference I always learn and improve, it may take me longer than others to get there I may hate that it takes me so long to learn these lessons but as Trevor mentions in his pods things only have to be possible not easy. Accepting that life is not easy does not mean life is not possible that you don't have to give up you just need to find the answers to move on.

In the past couple of months I have learnt to accept who I am and that my body is not fully equiped to do all I set out to do yet, by readjusting goals does not mean failure it means learning what you body tells you and doing the right things to correct them or make them better so that in the future my body will cope with what I want to throw at it. I will be throwing a lot more my body's way,

I have plans for the future to evolve to try new things, the same plans as a few months ago some have just been pushed back a little some have been cancelled thats all, sometimes I forget I did not go on a diet and failed yet again as all my diets have in the past. I am on a lifestyle change that will last my whole lifetime this journey never ends unlike a diet that always end in failure.

I have also noticed that when I struggle with these problems I also struggle with my eating the deeper I go the  more I use food as a comfort resort whilst this is not good I'm also not going overboard with my eating, it's my perception of my eating that distorts my view yes I have gained nearly a stone from my lowest weight.

I am still doing amazing things on the running cycling front even with my unfit body. I have made a decision that I will not worry about my weight (easier said than done) until the end of October when I run the Great South Run. That was my goal to be fit be lighter and run  faster, I have time on my side to achieve this goal and fretting and worrying in the meantime will only hinder not help me achieve this goal.

By the way when I start running again look forward to me moaning about how bloody hard it is, how unfit I am, how slow I am, just tell me to shut up and get on with it because each time I go out and run injury free my stamina and fitness will return, it will also return quicker because of the hard work I have put in previously I am looking forward to running again and starting to improve so that I can reach the level I know I can achieve. As I have said earlier in this blog it might have taken me a little longer than planned but I will get there.

Patience is a word easy said but very difficult to do, we live in a society that is fast, instant, results required yesterday etc this is our body there are no quick fix solutions time and patience are required to fix it and keep it fixed forever.




























   

Year 3 April

STOP THE WORLD I WANT TO GET OFF!!!

A little dramatic? Maybe, but inside my head it's not. Now to try and make sense of whats inside my head, to do that I am going to dump the contents of my head here, be aware it may not be pretty but it's what is inside my head right now and what I have been struggling with for a while now.

I am not an athlete, I am not a winner, I am not a slimmer version of my former self, I am not the confident new Darin of the past two years. I AM fat lazy useless unfit worthless Darin of pre Thinking Slimmer, I hate myself, I hate my life, I hate my useless body for not doing what I need it to do. I have lost my love of running, I have lost my love of myself, I am sabotaging my good work I am feeling low I seem to have no get up and go, it has taken me a week to sit down and start writing this blog not because of writers blog but because I could not be bothered (How shocking is that, what has happened to me).

I have let things slip to such an extent that I am kidding myself that I will get a grip tomorrow that I will take back control tomorrow then I think sod it why bother, why carry on putting in all this hard work to feel better to look better, only for my body to keep letting me down to keep breaking down when I need it hold together to take me on the next exciting part of my exercise journey (I have seen glimpses of what I can do if only I was injury free) and it will blow me away to see the improvements that will come with a balanced life of healthy eating and exercise.

Wow that's better out than in for sure, the first positive out of that awful negativity is I am not wallowing in deepest darkest depression, I am struggling mentally yes but I've also managed to keep a level of control that previously I would not have, it would have been so easy this month to just give up (I have had those bad evil thoughts running through my head) and go back to my bad life of before.

So today I have made the choice I need to get a hold of myself take control stop feeling sorry for myself and realize that I really am better than the person I think I have become this past month. I really need to go back to basics start afresh and focus on getting my body fit for purpose this will take time and "patience" I have to stop being so hard on myself and take each setback on the chin, this is clearly really tough to do as this has gone on for so long now and therein lies one of the root problems.

I spoke with my podiatrist last week as we look to fix my foot and whilst things have improved (as seen by the last three runs I have completed) we are still not there yet, he also said that I may need physio, when he said that my heart sunk again, I really am struggling with bad news about my injuries really frustrated that I am not getting better quick enough.

This Sunday I have my last Duathlon and I have done very little training for this event due to injury, to me this seems to me like well you deserve not to train to not be fit and give your best all because the last race I did not finish. I feel a failure because I had set myself a target of completing the three race series, to have not achieved that goal is disappointing. Having never done a duathlon before getting to the start line of all three is the victory sadly I am not feeling the victory and it has affected me badly, I wish it hadn't but it did dealing with that has been very hard and the main reason for having all the bad thoughts I mentioned earlier.

The last  three runs I have completed have been slow and very very hard I seem to have lost all my stamina I had to push so hard to run non stop (I take great pride that I pushed so hard as to stop running for a walking break would be failure) I will be able to complete the duathlon on Sunday as its a 3 mile run 15 mile cycle and 3 mile run I would so loved to have been injury free and really push myself for this race, alas its not meant to be, as much as just finishing is the victory I will struggle to see that and I will have to push myself mentally.

I have three blisters on my left foot one of which is on my heal and very painful (it never ends) so I am unable to train this week I have to give myself every opportunity to be ready for Sunday so it will be slow and steady. My dream is to run a race injury free and be fit that is what will keep me going on race day.

My diet has been very poor this past month for the same reasons as above I have struggled to handle my injuries and have gone into comfort eating mode, this is another reason for holding off sitting down and writing this blog so I can eat crap food for longer, this is a very dangerous habit I need to break straight away I am facing my demons right here and it scares the c**p out of me to be in this position, I have to do the right thing now before I allow myself to lose control completely.

My weight this month has gone up, by the way I have been talking you would think a lot but on reflection it's not that bad. 101.3kg or 15st 13lb a gain of 4lb on last month, on the plus side I don't feel fat just unfit which is surprising for me. My long term weight goal is still achievable as I have until the end of October so I don't need to panic short term.

So what is my plan action?

I have spoken to Hazel and explained what has been happening, how I have felt why I have felt that way and accepted that this is my mess and not in any way to do with her. I have asked Hazel to help me again by keeping bad foods out of the kitchen I need to go back to basic's. This means that I start my pods from day one a fresh start, a new beginning I have to allow the pods to work (at least I know they work) I have to find the balance between food intake and exercise and adjust accordingly something I have failed every time so far. Clearly when I am training well, over a period of time I have a decent balance between the two. I have to take control of this stop feeling sorry for myself every time I have an injury setback.

I need to fall back in love with running I have to start enjoying exercise again because just doing this will get me back on track, that adrenaline rush is the most amazing drug on this planet and I and missing it like crazy. I have to have realistic goals regarding my fitness I have to have PATIENCE I know its easy me saying that word to others, I have to practice what I preach unless I get my fitness and recovery correct I will always struggle and I really don't want that to happen. I want to run Injury free and it will happen.

So this has been a bad month in my head not very pretty nor is it as bad as it first seems, I have a plan it involves my pods it includes even more support from Hazel it includes a good dose of patience as I must allow my body to fix itself at its own speed, there is nothing I can do to make it heal quicker, and it involves my slimpod family people who do just amazing things everyday to change their lives, it is each and everyone of you who keep me going when I struggle. I may not reply but I read your updates.

DNF Twisted Ankle

I have waited 24 hours to write this blog as I want to be honest with how I feel and not turn it into a winge fest of indulgent self pity (I hope that at the end of this post I have avoided that). So here goes lets state the obvious I had to pull out of this race the good news was I did not have to pull out because of my foot injury although my foot being weak did not help.

The night before the race I was nervous and scared, strange feeling to have now but I think it was down to the fact that all joking aside I do take my health and fitness seriously, I may make the wrong choices or decisions sometimes the important thing with that statement is I am making decisions about me I am in control of me I know my body I know my mind I know what I need to do to make me feel good about myself. I also make a lot of good/brilliant decisions and its easy to forget that we make those decisions.

For the record starting this duathlon was the right decision. Why? I hear you cry when you DNF.

Race day I am confident that I will complete the race I am confident that the 10 days rest has helped and I will get round, if I thought that would not happen I would not have started the race. So the race start's and I have 4.75 miles in front of me we run down towards Eastney I notice after 1 mile I am in last position as the last rider bike Marshall is on my shoulder, this somehow had a calming effect on me and I just concentrate on my running I am feeling good I have no worries, my foot aches a little but that's normal since the orthotics but I am running too a good/fast pace I feel comfortable and relaxed.

I get down to Eastney to the small ramp onto the beech the race director is there as the lead runner Marshall waiting for the front runners to come back as we have a little off road bit to do. I give him the thumbs up let him know I good and have no problems (if only I could change what happened next) I run down the ramp and you pick up a little speed as I reach the bottom and turn left on to the stones (I'm not sure how many steps I took) my ankle twist's and the pain shoots through my foot. BANG that's it I know in my head that it's all over Portsmouth Duathlon Series Race 2.

I don't take quitting as an easy option, injured or not. I make several attempts vain attempts to carry on, you can see at the end of the run in the timing charts the peaks and troughs at the end, that was me giving myself every chance to carry on to try and see if by some miracle I could carry on. Clearly that was not to be I stop trying I hobble back onto the main road where I get picked up and taking back to the start finish area and report to the finisher that I have to pull out and hand over my race tag. A hard thing to do but very important so that the race director knows that everyone is accounted for. Official Race Results

It would be good to mention Nicola Seal the other runner who DNF. Who had a accident and needed transferring to QA Hospital to be checked over. I was able to do my little bit and offer some support whilst waiting for medical aid to arrive. I hope its not to bad and your able to run the next race in 4 weeks time.

It was one of those moments that anything can happen at anytime to anyone, this race had two separate incidents and two DNF's I sure that speaking with Nicola she is just as disappointed as I am that we now cannot complete all 3 races of the series.

That does not mean I was not any less disappointed frustrated and annoyed and feeling sorry with myself. Twisting your ankle (we have all done it even just walking along the road) can just happen, as much as I spent most of yesterday feeling like a failure like a clumsy useless idiot I needed to go through that thought process without blogging the raw emotion and saying things I would regret today. Yes I really do feel the disappointment of yesterday and I will feel it for awhile I have trained like never before to get ready for this event Training Sessions Duathlons are very hard but are now second nature due to the past 6 weeks.

I know that goals are not set in stone and they can be adjusted, setting a goal like completing a 3 race series is pretty much as it says on the tin so not achieving that goal is frustrating finishing 2 out of 3 is not good enough as well done but!!!! This hurts me so much I know it shouldn't but it does, 24 hours of wallowing in despair feeling sorry for myself is enough I need to be positive move on from this and let it go.

I feel it important to write the negative side of how I feel because whilst I try to be a role model and inspire others I am not perfect I am only human it is work in progress and the most important part of that is that it takes as long as it takes. Patience is the key word.

So the positives of the day are that my foot did not give in or break down it was the twisting of the ankle that caused the problem so that means after a few days recovery I should be able to run again the plus side is the next Duathlon is a 3 mile run 14 mile cycle and 3 mile run so I can do plenty of cycling to protect my foot a lot longer. I started the race and feel justified with that decision, it was a racing incident that stopped me.I am not a failure I gave myself every chance to try and finish and I took the correct action by pulling out of the race so my longer term goals can be achieved, that first mile was fast yet still it only got me last place, never before have I been so proud to be in last place.

That is the biggest thing I can pass on is to take the plunge enter a race do whatever is your thing if your last or slow it does not matter taking part is the best thing ever. I will never give up I will always push myself and if being at the back of the field is my place its so much better than being at home on the sofa. Having spent nearly two weeks resting my foot, the sofa is not the place I want to be it has been no fun at all and was a sad reminder of what my life used to be like.

I have quite a few races I wish to run this year I have them all planned out some include days out at a Zoo with a run (No photos of me as Hazel visit's the animals!) I was going to enter them all. This weekend has taught me that until I am fully fit and injury free I need to hold back on entering them until nearer the time as I put myself under pressure to run these events having paid an entrance fee. I am happier not to run in training and rest but come a race day its like I must run it because I have entered it. I will hold back.

I hope this blog makes sense and is written in the right way. Disappointments and setbacks happen all the time in all aspects of our life, I realize that my biggest fear is giving up and reverting back to type of feeling sorry for myself, comfort eating giving up on myself and having no pride in myself.

How STUPID am I this will never happen I will not allow it to happen yet its my biggest fear and something I struggle with all the time. I will reach my goals and I will continue to enjoy the good times and try and make the setbacks not so traumatic. I need to say this.....I did not fail, I did not let myself down, I did not let anyone else down and I did not embarrass myself in any way.  


















  

 

Injured and Frustrated

As you know I have been training hard towards race two of my Duathlon series. My last training session was last week with the incident with that blasted dog! Last Session I have been unable to train since then I am even more annoyed and frustrated with that dog and its owner, I have not coped well and eaten house and home this week so I am also disappointed with myself.

I was so close to having a perfect month training injury free and in the best shape for what will be the toughest Duathlon of the three. I made an appointment to see the podiatrist mine was on leave that week so I saw one of the others he prodded and pushed and found the spot where the pain was he made an adjustment to my orthotics which helped at first but after a half day at work I was back to hobbling again (Not good at all) I need to rest my foot so make the decision to call in sick at work and make another appointment with the podiatrist.

They are fully booked but get me in with my podiatrist during his lunch break again he prods and push's and finds the painful bit and then tells me about what is wrong he then leaves the room to get a second opinion from the other podiatrist so now I have two podiatrist's (I am worried now) deciding on the prognosis and the course of action. It is something to do with my Peroneal I did ask my podiatrist to write down what was wrong, his writing is terrible and I can only make out that word and also he said something to do with CCJ as well? Peroneal-Tendonitis I found this on-line and is as close as I can get.

They agreed to adjust my orthotics again but not to add whatever it was they discussed, I was also told to buy an ankle support to wear during waking hours to help out a little, I needed to wear the orthotics for a few hours so my feet could get used to the adjustments made and then rest my foot again.

My next Duathlon is this Sunday and I will start the race I could not forgive myself for just giving up and not trying, is this stupid? maybe but you have to understand that for 45 years I always took the easy option and just gave up did not bother could not be arsed. That was me and never again will I be like that, my podiatrist did not tell me not to take part but we agreed that I will take care I will not push myself to the point of break down I will COMPROMISE.

I will take walking breaks I will protect my foot I finished 85th out of 90 in the first race if it means I finish last then so be it, taking part is so important to me and if the race director allows me to finish (Time can be a problem) then I will finish with a medal if not I will complete the course safe in the knowledge I did my best. By the way if the worse happened I would pull out of the race but I don't think that will happen.

What I will also do from next week having indulged myself this last 10 days of rest is cycle, I can still cycle as there is no impact on the foot. I hope that this problem will not be long term every time I feel I get close to being injury free something else pops up, what I am most proud of since I started my pods is that before it would be a case of I am not meant to run so I won't and go back to my old ways.

This week has been a blip on the eating front for sure but never do I think I will just give up I am meant to run I just have to change 45 years of abusing my body it won't happen overnight but when it happens watch me go!!!!

I have a saying I keep on my phone "DEAD LAST is greater than DID NOT FINISH which trumps DID NOT START" I will do the right thing if I have to.

And now for something completely different...... I am now a part owner of Portsmouth Football Club. We the fans have our club back.

  










  

Year 3 March

What a busy interesting month March has been with lots of high's and a few low points, when you look over the month I am more than happy and have no regrets at all. In a perfect world I would have lost weight and this would have been great, we all know we don't live in the perfect world and if we did we would not have weight, health, or fitness problems, life is not easy it is challenging and that's the joy of our journey's as we find the route's that best suits our individual needs and adjust accordingly. This month's blog will be in three sections (I hope) Health (injury) Fitness and Weight.

Lets start with my injury and my calf muscles I have mentioned before about my visit to the podiatrist and the Orthotics I now have for both feet, The first thing to report is my feet ache all the time more so after being on my feet all day at work and or after a training session. Now this is a good ache at the moment as my feet ankle's and muscle's adjust to being corrected and its like life's journey we have to work through this in a positive way, as the pain means that I am improving and getting better towards my long term goal of being able to run injury free in the future. I look forward to my next follow up appointment to see how much improvement has been made. How do I know it's getting better?

This is how I know its getting better, Training Report for March and not one injury in all that time and I have only got a little cramp three times the first in the Duathlon race itself and since then I have only done that race distance or further as I train for race two. The first thing I need to say about my training sessions are that you have to divide by three the sessions as each run bike run is recorded individually sadly. The next thing is how tough these sessions are anyway even without the achy feet syndrome with the orthotics (Just to give you an insight today I have no need to go out and I am wearing my slippers, every time I walk or move my feet or just stretching, my feet ache just as much as if I had worn my othotics all day).

The training sessions themselves are fun and enjoyable as well as tough I love that I can now run the whole distances all the time, I know its a 4 mile run 9.6 mile cycle and a 3 mile run but each has its own unique challenge and getting the best out of all three of them is amazing, for the first time ever I am able to run and push myself to my limits without my body breaking down on a regular basis and this just gives me so much confidence and my fitness which I have mentioned before is at a far greater level than it has ever been in the past. I have a link of of a group of 4 training sessions of the first runs (4 miles) Compared 4 Runs each 2 days apart and each one improving culminating in the last run being my best 4 mile run ever with each mile under the 11 min mile pace I have never had a grouping of times so close together and those 4 runs just show what can be achieved when you train regularly and are fit to run as well.

Here is the link to all my activities All Training Logs I am rather proud of what I have achieved recently and I know this is down to a number of things falling into place at the same time I am also aware that whilst I am injury free at the moment, I hope to stay injury free for ever. I have a way to go to see if the othotics are the answer in the long term (I certainly hope so) my watch word PATIENCE comes into play here and I have to make sure I don't get carried away at the moment. One thing I will take away from this training period is that after my last Duathlon race of this series I will keep up a session in the future to break up the just running or cycling training routine, as much as I love running and going out on a long cycle ride doing the Duathlon training whist hard is also fun and that's what training should always be about. ENJOYABLE!!!

Now on to the least successful part of the month (Notice I don't use the word failure) that's because I have not failed. I have just readjusted my focus/goals this month as I cope with my training and the different pressure's it puts on me during the month. As I have stated at the start of the year my focus was on weight loss, it still is what I did not take into account was how tough Duathlon training would be, or how tough the first race would really be either, knowing I have to run an extra 1.75 miles on the next race meant I have to train really harder than I had before the first race.

I have also had a few bad eating days as well and that's something I can do something about? Go back onto my slimpod get myself back on track with with food again, also training so hard has required a little more eating than I had planned for so we have a combination of things as to why no weight loss this month there is no shame no failure in this course of events because at the end of the day I am fitter than I have ever been, I am running better than ever before I am training harder than I had planned to do and my weight lost a tiny amount, thank you very much I will take that as a very successful month, and a lesson learnt on how to adapt one's goals so that I am as successful as I can be for race 2 of the Duathlon.

My weight is 99.6 kg or 15 st 9.5 lbs a loss of just under 1 lbs on last month. I hope everyone has had a great Easter break.










      
 

The First Duathlon

Mothers Day last year was a tough day that turned into a great learning day it was the only time I never completed a race it may have been a 20 mile race but I at least pushed myself to complete 10 of those miles. Worthing 20 Mile Road Race. Mothers Day 2013 that I have a race on Mothers Day again is down to luck not me looking for it. How apt that like last year I am still pushing my boundaries pushing myself making myself proud and on this Mothers Day making my Mum prouder (if that's possible) of me.

Race day and I can not sleep properly this reminds me of all my first time big races a sure sign that this is a special day that I am about to do something that no one can ever take away from me. I have a lot more race day experience now and I did not have to leave home super early the race is in my home town so parking on a Sunday morning is not a problem, Hazel is ready the camera is ready its freezing cold which is good for me but not so good for Hazel.

We get to the race start area I get my number and sticker for my bike again Hazel has to pin the number on I really am all fingers and thumbs (I prefer the race number on my shirt before I leave home to be honest) put the bike in the transition area and can now relax and breath as I am now ready for the start.

We get the safety briefing done I have a little warm up just to keep warm and clear the legs ready for the race, we are called to the start line 2 minutes before the start and then we are off, the great thing about this race is I know the whole route like the back of my hand I know where I am and how far I have to go it really makes a difference. I soon end up towards the back end of the field which is cool and where I expect to be I concentrated on my me my race the only person I am completing against is myself the run goes really well I take my one walking brake and off I go again to the transition area I can not believe how well I have done that must be the fastest I have ever run 3 miles Portsmouth Duathlon 1st Run and the first time the last mile of a run was faster than any before. I feel good and get my bike from the transition area ready for the next section of the race

I start the bike section on a high with the knowledge that I have a chance of  making up some places as I know that I have a decent speed and a good road bike riding eastbound into the wind was quite tough but I keep my head down and keep going. My Garnin blips at the mile mark and I realize I did not set the watch for the bike section I do that straight away (I am gutted by this oversight but pull myself together the whole time is still on the watch) I have decided to split the race into 2 half's the first down to the Hayling Ferry and back to the transition area and then the 2 loops around Southsea Common this worked well for me and the bike section like the first run went really fast even taking in to account the 3 times I rode into the wind. Portsmouth Duathlon Bike Section I counted about 10 people that I overtook on the bike section this gave me a great boost to be part of a race and not only overtake people but pull away from them. This will hardly ever happen with running.

I dismount go into the transition area I get a drink and then start my last run Portsmouth Duathlon 2nd Run I take my gel as I'm running after 300 yards of so I get a little cramp in my left calf, I stop and walk all the bad thoughts flood my head is my injury jinx going to kick in I run and walk for a little while the good news is I run through the cramp and carry on with my run, I realize that I should have stayed in the transition area had the drink and gel at the same time take the extra couple of minutes like I have done with the training. At least I know why that happened it was my fault not my legs. My confidence is a little shaken I have to finish and hopefully finish injury free, I take plenty of walking breaks I will finish this race I get inside the last km and I start to get cramp in my hamstrings left leg again so I shake that off and am able to run in to the finish with no further problems.

Am I a little disappointed with the time of the last run? Not on your life this is race conditions which are completely different to training I had 2 really fast sections which surprised me. I pushed my body to its limits whilst still having calf problems and I passed with flying colours, everything my body throw at me I answered back big time I will not accept failure I will adjust and do what's right to get me home. I have 4 weeks until race two of three in this series the first run will increase to 4.7 miles the rest the same I need to train harder than I trained for the first race, this will be easier to do as I now know whats expected of my body of me and the race.

 To my Mum on this Mothers Day I give you your son Darin McCloud aged 48 and a little bit 10k, 10mile, Half Marathon, Marathon and now Duathlon Athlete. Who would have thought? If I can do this anyone can change their lives for the better, I have no thoughts of ever giving up having spent the first 46 years of my live giving up all the time. 

I am so happy honest!