Tuesday, 29 January 2013

One Amazing Day

I want to record what happened on Sunday 27th January 2013. Something rather special happened to me and I think it is up there with all the other amazing milestones that have happened to me since I started running. I will do a brief history to the build up of the day first.

Debbie Cox and I first met in training for the Great South Run and as a small group of people we stayed in touch on facebook. Debbie took a break from running and then wanted to start again, Debbie asked if there were any local 10k races around and I replied with a couple of races and the offer to run with her on one of the races I had already entered. That was how Debbie and myself started on our training together helping each other to be motivated to get out and run, I needed this help as well having had a 4 month injury lay off it was hard to get back in to the routine especially as winter was approaching.

We have had some great training sessions together we have learnt each others habits we know when to talk when not to talk we have even run a whole session with music and no talking just running together, having  someone with you is enough sometimes. I really love helping and passing on my experiences it gives me such a buzz, the fact I take a lot from Debbie as well makes it a great two way support structure.

The downside to this is me or more importantly my injuries (my calf's) I don't like to say enter this race and I will run it with you then not run, even if injured or not that's not me I don't like it. I have managed to learn and adapt and look for ways to still be a good running buddy and not just give up because I have an injury. The first time this happened was the Hursley 10k last year I had two friends running one in the 5k and  Debbie in the 10k I was gutted at letting my friends down so I spoke with the race director and offered to be a marshall for the race which there were more than happy for me to do. Sadly I was not on the dual course section so missed my friends 5k but I had a great spot three quarters of the way up a hill.

It was so great to see Debbie running up that hill and give her support and encouragement at that point I knew I had done the right thing and was able to help not only Debbie but myself the other great thing was I was able to get to the finish before Debbie so could cheer her home to the finish line. I felt so proud to have done my little bit on that day to make a big difference. It showed me that I am a better person than I give myself credit for especially on my bad days when I feel worthless.

Sunday 27th January 2013 three weeks until race day and Debbie's first Half Marathon I had spoke to Debbie about a 12.3 mile run to Portchester and back I had done for last years half marathon, when I was not injured and running freely. Debbie looked at me as she sometimes does like I was from another planet after I had explained the route the benefits of doing the run the fact it would be the last long run before race day Debbie was looking forward to this run as I was. Alas my body let me down again. Again I have a plan that will hopefully work for both of us, I let Debbie know and she thinks its a great idea.

I dust off my old mountain bike get it ready I have my rucksack so that I can carry Debbie's drink's and gel's this is a dress rehearsal for race day to see what works what does not work how Debbie feels when taking a gel and how she feels after the gel if there is not a boost in the right way we need to know. Today is not about the run itself it about everything else, all the information we learn today will make the race so much easier. We all have fears and worries can we run that far, I'm scared about running that far, will I finish, what if something happens, how will I cope running a new coarse for the very first time etc.

Off we go the first thing to mention is the weather we had heavy rain and high winds during the night whatever the weather we were running race day could have the same weather being only three weeks away, thankfully the weather cleared we had blue skies strong gust of wind in our faces on the way out and at our backs on the way home perfect weather conditions the wind was a challenge but it was great to run in the sun.

This is Debbie's training run so when to walk in the run is Debbie's choice when to drink is Debbie's choice and the gels, we talked about as she ran it's not just about when you take the first gel but about distance you take them afterwards to see you through the race you never want to run out but neither do you want a long gap without one if you need one.

Riding a bike beside a runner was very surreal, of coarse I wanted to be running but this is the next best thing having seen films were you have the trainer wrapped up like a Michelin man with layers of clothes and the towel wrapped round the neck tickled my sense of humour and kept me amused. The first 6 miles was Debbie's comfort zone we chatted I checked that everything was good we even stopped for a loo break early on.

The reason for mentioning this is it happens on race day do you stop and queue up, there is always a queue or do you carry on for miles before another loo appears will it affect how you run, will it distract you etc The loo break is not something we normally need to think about on shorter runs.

We carry on I explain what part of the route is coming up to watch her feet on the grass and to take her time crossing the one major road we have to do, this happens pretty much all the way round Debbie also said we she wanted to listen to music (very polite way of saying shut up Darin!!!!)

Something different happened to our running relationship on this day in a good way, we had a laugh we were not only learning about the race day but we took the mickey out of each other. We have laughed before but not like today, it made the two and a half hours go so quick.

The best part of the run was around Portchester Castle and the sea wall which is a little narrow in places we have run round that part before in training for the GSR 2011 and I had run this route last year as well, because of the heavy rain this winter the ground was sodden with some puddles of water some large some small and the grass area's were like a thick muddy goo.

Watching Debbie tip toeing like a ballet dancer shouting out my new running shoes are getting muddy was priceless, I had my troubles trying to ride a bike through mud whilst not getting too far ahead of Debbie was interesting at one stage I was so close to being stuck in the mud and about to fall over on one side in to the mud. This was all very slapstick very funny to both of us, and made a very challenging section of the course fun instead of what am I doing here running in this.

On a side note I will do one of these crazy muddy assault course races in the future with a group of friends getting cold wet and muddy might just be a right good laugh.

The last couple of miles of any run is tough and Debbie showed no signs that she found the last tough we were on our normal running route we have run every time we go out Debbie knows where we are and how far to the end. Debbie tells me she wants to plug in to music for the homeward stretch I check that she is feeling good mot hurting and tell her she must shout me if she needs anything.

This is my time to back off and allow Debbie to get in the zone for race day and push through those last two miles. I stay in front of Debbie by a good distance I can turn round and see her, she can see me so if anything went wrong I was still there. We get to the end of the run I check that Debbie is good we have a chat and a stretch.

Debbie thanked me for that session for going out on my bike when I did not have to, of course I had to I had promised a great 12 mile training route in November to be the last long run before Brighton I don't like to let people down (my calf has no morals). We have thanked each other many times in the past always saying to each other you don't have to.

Today's thank you meant so much more because Debbie allowed me the privilege to not only take her on this run but for me to impart all my knowledge that I had gained last year when I run this course just before Brighton. It has taught me that with the right experiences and my hunger to help support and motivate others I can do this and make a difference. I know for a fact that the Debbie Cox who cross's the start and finish line in three weeks time will be a better runner than at any time in the past with all that new information to hand, just like myself last year.

Today writing this blog I know just how special the Brighton Half Marathon will be to Debbie having done all the training for what be her longest race to date, completely different from the GSR. It may only be an extra 3.2 miles and we are guilty of saying "ONLY" they will be a special 3.2 miles. I am so gutted for the first time to not be able to run, the memories of that day last year and the training in the build up god it is so special.

On the plus side I will be there on race day cheering on Debbie Cox and  Becca Jones two amazing Slimpod Stars who blow my mind with what they can do. If you cannot run a race due to an injury the next best thing is helping someone achieve their goals. 

Finally I wish to Thank Debbie Cox publicly for the help support and encouragement to the fact that on the 2nd day my calf went the realization that my Brighton goal had disappeared that we had only ran a few minutes you took the time to talk to me encourage me and walk me back home. Just being there at that time in that moment stopped me from breaking down and showing me that I had other goals to now work on.

The fact that you drove home and then went out and did the training run, I was so proud of you for doing that when the easiest thing to do was to not bother having had the routine messed up.

For getting me out running again after my injury lay off as winter set in there were many days I may not have run, if we had not run together just because I was out of practice of running. So before you reply "But I don't do anything" like you do!!!! That's what you do for me. I have one last request Debbie.

Enjoy every step of Brighton it will blow your mind.

A link to the route and the time Debbie did Portchester Castle Route 2:36:34 truly amazing.






































  

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Readjustment of Goals for 2013

I am making a decision that I had hoped not to make but realistically knew I would have to make after Brighton, that's to pull out of the Brighton Half Marathon and announce that I will no longer run more than 10 miles which means my long term goal of running the Great South Run every year is still possible. So no more half or full marathons for the foreseeable future, I am going to concentrate on 10k (6.2m)

The reason for making this difficult decision is that my calf has broken down yet again as I was increasing my mileage in preparation for Brighton with 6 weeks to go this was not good and the realization that I could not do a Great South Run and finish at any cost. Having seen my Chiropractor he advised that I take a full 3 weeks off running to allow full recovery that would leave 3 weeks to train and the chances are I would break down again if not in training then on the day itself and I would then be laid up for longer, I have plans for this year that do not involve getting injured and spending months not running (been there got the t-shirt never again if I can help it).

Having made the right choice to pull out of Brighton and long distance running I needed to get my head in the right place to avoid going back into depression, this choice deep deep down seems like failure like letting others down, the start of letting me down and giving up (just like the old days) even now after two full years of www.thinkingslimmer.com I am still scared I will fail, (really!!!!) So I wrote an email to five very special people entitled "A Needy Moment" I had made my decision and I knew that the reasons were sound, correct and the right thing to do, so why the email?

I needed confirmation that I would not be letting them, all of you down and myself down (how bloody crazy and stupid I still am) the still messed up darkest reaches of mind. Anyway I got back all 5 responses in double quick time each one with a different point of view but all with the same sentiment you are doing the right think it makes perfect sense to do it, its alright to do it, and to stop thinking about others and think of myself first do what's right for me, those 5 responses gave me the answer that I did not know I was looking for but I am so grateful for getting, I felt I owed those 5 people for ever (that's just the way I'm made up) for giving/helping me get my life back. I am as always willing to help in any way in the future that will never ever change.

They have all just taught me that me being me is the gift they want most from me to be free to make choices that are for my benefit first and their's second, this is new to me and explains the gap between the emails and this blog as I digested all this new information and realized that another huge weight has been lifted off my back. So with no guilt and a great deal of pride I would like to say I had a great running year did some amazing life changing things that can never be taken away from me and spent way too long being injured, I have great warm memories, where I sit down and relive those races I remember everything about each of them amazing when a lot of the time I struggle to remember what I did yesterday.

So as of now I will not Run Brighton, when I am fit to run next week I will start training for my duathlon series I will only run when fit my training runs will consist of 4 mile run a 6.6 mile run and interval training at appox 3 miles as well as cycling, this training plan will help me to keep my fitness improve my fitness over the longer term and prepare me for my 3 duathlon's and the 10k races I will enter this year I also plan to run a 5k race because I have never run one, not sure when but I will find one.

More importantly I hope that going back to shorter distances will help me shift the weight I have put back on, running longer distances is known not to aid weight loss, I have no regrets about being called a "marathon runner" I am happy today with with my past and where I am, I am making choices that whilst partly due to my body breaking down is also a warning to say Darin do the right thing for you get back on track, your goals for 2013 will work so much better, listen to the signals and make the right choices. Today I am announcing those choices to the world and I feel amazing about doing so without the guilt of letting anyone down.

I will spend some time shortly entering the duathlon series how lucky to have this in Portsmouth so no traveling involved, the comfort of knowing the routes stress free and exciting just like the first Great South Run. I will enter a couple of 10k races that I have an eye on, if not this year then next it would be great to run some races around the country with my great friends running network, in the slimpod and Facebook groups as well.

I will be at Brighton as a spectator to support the two slimpod stars running, its not the same as running but the next best thing and something I'm really looking forward to doing. I start the year on a slightly sad note, knowing it will make my year hopefully injury free is the reason I have no guilt and look forward to 2013 with more zest and vigour. This year will be better than 2012, I am already excited about writing next years blog about 2013 and how amazing it was.









Tuesday, 1 January 2013

2012 Review

What an eventful Year 2012 was certainly the most action packed year in my life ever, there were so many highs one or two lows one of which turned into a high later in the year (London Marathon more on that later) so much that I have learnt this year and so much more to learn next year, I have had success's during the year and failure(only feedback not failure) as well. I will try and write this blog in sections Running Cycling, Injury and Health, Mental Well-being (depression) and Inspiration and Helping Others.

Running Cycling Injury's and Health.

My first full year as a runner in Olympic year London 2012 if you cannot be motivated in such an amazing sporting year when can you? As I said in the opening paragraph very eventful so I will start now hopefully in the right order if not I do apologize. The first race of the year is the Brighton Half Marathon February 19th this was really strange as the reason for entering this race was to keep up the running during the cold wet winter planning ahead then the London Marathon become a reality and that become the priority and Brighton part of the training plan. Brighton Half Marathon  Just a reminder that this was only race two in my lifetime ever. Really pleased with this race at the time. So the training for London carried on and the next big step was the Worthing 20 mile road race, the only race I have failed to complete after speaking with Sandra Roycroft-Davis whom I so grateful answered the phone on Mothers Day (Thank You Again) I realized that sometimes I put myself under to much pressure and that I am still not ready to fully handle pressure in the right way, there are two links now one for the race and a link to the blog as it was too big to put in comments box Worthing 20 MIle Road Race Worthing Blog This is the one race that I learnt so much about running and myself and the race I am most proud of looking back.

Onto the BIG ONE the Virgin London Marathon, Darin McCloud Marathon Runner I will never ever get bored of that statement. A race of two half's a defining moment in my life that at the time was full of disappointment regardless of the opening line in this paragraph. What I did not know at that time was that I have been carrying an injury (A lifetime Injury) and the longer the distance's the more my body broke down, It would take six months for the penny to drop on this point, when it did my god! I did start the marathon and I did finish the marathon I may have walked the last 10 miles but I had the courage, strength and support  network to put the initial disappointment to one side dig deep and finish what I had started. Worthing had helped on that knowing what it is like to not finish a race is something I don't want to feel again unless I have a leg hanging off!! The Virgin London Marathon Marathon Blog.

The rest of the year is made up of 10k races until the end of October which will be the Great South Run and the start of running races a second time. I will do a quick recap of the races now. My next race after the marathon was the Marwell 10k just four short weeks later, This race is my personal best for 10k that's four weeks after a calf injury in both legs pushing on and walking the last 10 miles on a course that is very hilly looking back now I can see only failure regrets and just being grateful for taking part. Not going out and nailing a P/B that I have yet to get close to since. Marwell 10k

I also at this time start boot camp training something I really enjoyed but alas made my calves worse, I still have not gone back to boot camp training as I am still not right with my calves. My next race was my International debut a 10k race in Caen France this was a hard race for me but the time was better than I thought for the way I ran on that day. Caen 10k  Next up the British 10k run on part of the Olympic Marathon course pretty bloody amazing watch both Marathons knowing I had run part of that course. British 10k

I need to add here that I have been seeing a Chiropractor for three months or so the GSR was touch and go but I desperately wanted to run this race no matter what, this is the only race that I have that much feeling for being as it race number one and the race I want to run every year for the rest of life. The Great South Run The last run of the year for me was the Santa Run 10k again this was a horrible race I struggled from start to finish, I could not get my breathing or pace sorted so just finishing was the victory for me. Santa Run.

       
I also entered but did not start three races due to injuries they were the Hursley 10K the Portsmouth RNLI 10K and the Gosport Half Marathon. You cannot run when injured that's for sure I will need to rethink entering races early as the only downside is paying to run these races and not running them, I am not well off but I make sure that I spend my money on things that will improve my life in the long term and not taking part in those runs hurt more financially than mentally. Another lesson learnt but I'm sure I will enter some races early anyway (Already signed up for GSR that's a given) My running stat's for the year are

Count:89 Activities
Distance:536.89 mi
Time:108:52:48 h:m:s
Elevation Gain:10,774 ft
Avg Speed:4.9 mph
Avg HR:144 bpm
Avg Run Cadence:--
Avg Bike Cadence:--
Calories:90,569 C

Due to my injury my Chiropractor said that cycling would aid my recovery and help my hip, this has opened up endless new possibility's included buying a quality road bike to make cycling enjoyable and fun, I am again amazed that I can do this and enjoy doing it at the same time my longest cycle ride to date is a 48 mile round trip to Bognor Regis really 48 miles!! Its important to note that whilst I enjoy my cycling until such time as I cannot run any more I will always be a runner first and cyclist second I do also plan to integrate both in 2013 by entering a Duathlon series in Portsmouth this year Duathlon Race Series as soon as Brighton is finished this will be my focus till May, I love a challenge. My cycling Stat's for this year are

Count:14 Activities
Distance:266.69 mi
Time:22:15:58 h:m:s
Elevation Gain:4,315 ft
Avg Speed:12.0 mph
Avg HR:143 bpm
Avg Run Cadence:--
Avg Bike Cadence:--
Calories:18,257 C

My overall stats for the year are below these also include the boot camp sessions.

Count:119 Activities
Distance:840.90 mi
Time:147:32:08 h:m:s
Elevation Gain:15,412 ft
Avg Speed:5.9 mph
Avg HR:140 bpm
Avg Run Cadence:--
Avg Bike Cadence:--
Calories:114,486 C


I have an awful lot to look forward to in 2013 as well as some frustration I hope to make proper decisions about my long distance running after Brighton in February mentally I am ready to make those decisions and find new ways to keep running injury free in 2013.
As for 2012 what a great year even with the injuries. The last part of this section is my weight as of yesterday my weight was 104.5kg or 16st 6lbs  this is way to high and something I have struggled with ever since I was unable to train the good news (if there is any really) this has been my top weight for about 2 months now so at least I have found a level I also wonder if my weight gain has anything to do with my injuries I think not but it won't hurt to lose what I have gained that's for sure, so one of my goals for 2013 is to get my weight down to 95kg or 14st 5lb by the end of October so I give myself the best chance to run the best race possible for the Great South Run. So that's really two goals as I plan to smash the 2 hour mark. I will also make another goal and that's to listen to my slimpods every day just like when I started my journey back to basics if like whilst the running and cycling has carried on at a great pace and I often say I can not believe I am still running.

I am very disappointed with myself I cannot say that about eating yet, I can accept the work in progress and the patience that is required to achieve these goals and the fact that being injured for so long affected the weight gain, now is the time to right those wrongs the slimpods are about learning and improving and I am sure my weight would have spiraled out of control without them. This will not be easy as it was not the first time I have to get out of the mindset that I can eat more because I train, that fell apart with my long term injury. I understand where I went wrong, why it went wrong, and want I need to do to make sure it does not go wrong again (there is no failure only feedback) and I love I know all this as I embark on 2013 making it an even better year than 2012.

Mental Well-Being Depression.

During my injury lay off finding out I needed a Chiropractor and the fact it took so long to get better was really quite tough I felt at the time that my running career was over that I would never be able to run again it really affected me quite badly and another of my regrets is that as a person I still struggle to handle my disappointment in a good positive way rather than the bad old way I still do, if there is one thing I could change about me straight away this would be it the way I react when I get disappointed with myself, during this period I also had problems at work was I at fault were others at fault did I really have a melt down at the way I was being treated at work was everything connected or not???

I really don't know the answer to that what I do know is at that time I honestly believed that I was being bullied, it was a dark time coping with work and the injury I am so grateful to my two line managers who helped me get through such a tough time not only for me but my fellow team members as well. Its ironic that everything become clearer and better at the same time as the GSR so there must be a link I just don't understand it another fault of mine. The only bright spot of this period was how much more I was aware of the depression so whilst not knowing how to deal with it better I am aware that has to be a massive bonus.

Another goal for 2013 is to try and have a more level year that the highs and lows are not so extreme that I can handle situations better when/if I struggle, this would be a massive goal to achieve over the year.

Inspiration and Helping Others.

I'm not too sure how this section will go as I'm writing this so this will be interesting if it makes any sense. I love the fact that people are still inspired by me I sometimes get fed up with Darin the weight loss runner guy, so that people are still interested in my journey amazes me and I am so grateful that people are. The other bonus of my Slimpod journey is that I get to help people, either on the slimpod club, twitter, email and in person. This gives me such a massive buzz its unreal, During this year I have helped Tracey Cox run a 5k race for life and the greatest lesson I learnt is that people who push themselves and have a support network do amazing things that even they did not believe they could do, that includes me when I started running. Well done Tracey I'm so proud of what you achieved. I have also helped another slimpodder Debbie Cox, Debbie lives in Portsmouth and we first met up training for the GSR in 2011. This year Debbie asked for some races to run and we started training together (when I've not been injured) this arrangement has been more beneficial for me than Debbie, I would not have done so much running after my injury without Debbie helping and supporting me so this is really good that we help each other and having spent many lonely hours running on my own it has been amazing having a running partner I recommend it to anyone although solo runs have there place as well its about getting the balance right. Debbie Cox thank you for all your help.

I look forward to inspiring and supporting people on there journeys, I also want to help and support Sandra Roycroft-Davis where I can, this will be a big special year for Thinking Slimmer I know how hard Sandra has worked in 2012 to make 2013 special. I also hope to help out with Dr Lorraine Albon with local people with Diabetes, I hope this can all happen this year as helping others is such an amazing thing to give back.

I have a lot of goals and plans for 2013 I am so looking forward to this year being so much better and amazing than last year. And last year was pretty amazing.