Year 3 May

After a couple of very challenging months where I have gone from some massive's lows (disappointments) to some highs, from frustration to a new acceptance (calm) from falling out of love with running to falling back in love with running, from hating being injured again and again to accepting that rest sometimes is really the correct thing to do. I have this weekend been off work the sun is shining and for the first time in a long time I am not going out for a run or a cycle ride and the best thing is I DON'T FEEL GUILTY. Freedom comes in many shapes and forms my freedom was always exercise it made me feel good the endorphin rush every time I finished a session.

At this time in my journey freedom comes from the acceptance that my body needs proper time to repair, heal and recover it helps I have spoken with a sports massage therapist who is on the same page as me. She listened to what I was saying she massaged my body from the waist down and spoke with a clear knowledge about what she felt as she worked her way down my legs. I have the utmost confidence in her that she will get me out running. My leg muscles have shown an improvement in the 5 days since my first massage they are still knotted, stiff, hard, but getting looser and the pain is receding everyday.

I will be running again soon but I won't be rushing to get out there it will be for the right reason when I go out  safe in the knowledge I am helping my recovery not hindering it. The fact I am not beating myself up now shows how far I have come in the last couple of months, and the need to have gone through this process to get myself in the right place at the right time with the right help. I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason and you have to find the answers to those problems.

My slimpod has helped me get through the past couple of months. I think its worth pointing out that the slimpods are not just about the weight loss but also about giving you the tools to make better decisions. My previous blogs have been about my struggles to make the right choices to make me see that sometimes you have to do things that seem wrong and go against what you believe in to get to where you want to be. I hope you don't mistake those blogs for whining, moaning, feeling sorry for myself but learning blogs for myself primarily and others reading these blogs to help them along their journeys. I have never doubted nor will I ever doubt the pods, I accept the true path to a better future is a winding road and its how we manage it that defines us, what I do know is I make way better decisions now than before Thinking Slimmer

This month has seen me have 3 race's in 3 weekends the last of my duathlons Duathlon Run to Bike Duathlon Bike to Run Run to Finish Garmin crashed on download so sadly no other details. My last run was painfully slow as my quads had stiffened up so I am just as proud to have slowed down and give myself the chance to finish the race.

A week with no training followed as I prepared my body for my next race Bognor Prom 10K  the first time ever I have run a whole race not something that was planned as you can see my goals were only to complete the race so this was an amazing achievement and shows that whilst your fitness levels do drop there is still plenty in the locker to get you home if the conditions are right on the day.     

Again another week of no training as the focus is the next race on the Bank Holiday Monday Bupa 10000 London This race was run in very hot conditions if you're not aware I am not a hot weather person period, I also will not allow that to stop me from running. I will adjust and make sure that the goal is reached and thats always to finish anything is a bonus. After nearly 2 miles I was struggling so at that point I then knew I would not run the whole race, I had drinks with me the whole way round the course to keep me hydrated, everything I needed to do I did. I am just as proud of this run as the fantastic run the week before.

The day after the Bupa 10000 I had my first massage session my legs are bad very sore,stiff and hard muscles, this massage hurt quite a lot and I'm sure that my next one will hurt even more as the therapist goes deeper next time. so no running so far this week, my choice as I allow my muscles to repair I have done a fair amount of walking as I have to move around and stretch the muscles. Doing nothing would harm them and I don't want that to happen I may well go out for a gentle 3 or 4 mile run before my next massage on Thursday to just run the stiffness out without making them work too hard.

As you have read from my previous blogs I have struggled to come to terms with my trials and tribulations I struggle when I put myself under pressure but so far I always come out the other side having learnt a great deal that will help me in the future, that is the biggest difference I always learn and improve, it may take me longer than others to get there I may hate that it takes me so long to learn these lessons but as Trevor mentions in his pods things only have to be possible not easy. Accepting that life is not easy does not mean life is not possible that you don't have to give up you just need to find the answers to move on.

In the past couple of months I have learnt to accept who I am and that my body is not fully equiped to do all I set out to do yet, by readjusting goals does not mean failure it means learning what you body tells you and doing the right things to correct them or make them better so that in the future my body will cope with what I want to throw at it. I will be throwing a lot more my body's way,

I have plans for the future to evolve to try new things, the same plans as a few months ago some have just been pushed back a little some have been cancelled thats all, sometimes I forget I did not go on a diet and failed yet again as all my diets have in the past. I am on a lifestyle change that will last my whole lifetime this journey never ends unlike a diet that always end in failure.

I have also noticed that when I struggle with these problems I also struggle with my eating the deeper I go the  more I use food as a comfort resort whilst this is not good I'm also not going overboard with my eating, it's my perception of my eating that distorts my view yes I have gained nearly a stone from my lowest weight.

I am still doing amazing things on the running cycling front even with my unfit body. I have made a decision that I will not worry about my weight (easier said than done) until the end of October when I run the Great South Run. That was my goal to be fit be lighter and run  faster, I have time on my side to achieve this goal and fretting and worrying in the meantime will only hinder not help me achieve this goal.

By the way when I start running again look forward to me moaning about how bloody hard it is, how unfit I am, how slow I am, just tell me to shut up and get on with it because each time I go out and run injury free my stamina and fitness will return, it will also return quicker because of the hard work I have put in previously I am looking forward to running again and starting to improve so that I can reach the level I know I can achieve. As I have said earlier in this blog it might have taken me a little longer than planned but I will get there.

Patience is a word easy said but very difficult to do, we live in a society that is fast, instant, results required yesterday etc this is our body there are no quick fix solutions time and patience are required to fix it and keep it fixed forever.