The News (Portsmouth) Health Awards 2012

Back in April the local Paper started its Best of Health Awards 2012 This was the opportunity at the right    time for me to recognize and thank the last person in my inner circle that needed something special from me to them. Dr Lorraine Albon.   

Lorraine is a Saint she has been my Diabetic Doctor at QA Hospital for many years, yet whenever this overweight useless depressed bad Diabetic man turned up to see her and she listened to my pitiful poor and often lies about how I was looking after myself covering up the fact I clearly was not doing what I should be and to be very fair at that time did not care really. I was unaware/did not register at that time that my Diabetic results were very poor and Lorraine knew I was clearly saying one thing and doing another. Yet she kept on seeing me always trying to help me offering help trying different things to try and get me to change my ways to have pride in myself to make myself better in the long term. 

I would just like to add that writing that paragraph it looks like everything Lorraine tried failed nothing could be further from the truth, how can you change someone like me (at that time) who does not want to even help myself its impossible to do, just by keeping going never giving up on me that was the true work of a Doctor who cares about her profession and her field of expertise. 

Moving on and this is a good time to set the record straight about the publicity that happened in February 2010 I think that I first spoke with Lorraine about Bariatric banding/surgery in 2008/9 I had done an enormous amount of research on the internet before I mentioned to Lorraine about the possibility's of surgery and the benefits or not of  looking down the route. At the time I was not fitting the criteria but banding/surgery was an option in the future I also had two co-morbidity's so this was not for me a weight loss method but an opportunity to be free of Diabetes of sticking needles in me which I really really hated. In 2009 Lorraine applied for funding for the surgery if I lived 8 miles away in West Sussex I qualified for surgery on all levels living in Portsmouth the obesity level was higher. I fought the PCT solely on that fact and none other for a whole year. 

Realizing that I was not going to get the surgery I went to the The News with me story what happen after that was unexpected and tough The News run a front page which was a shock but not as much as the following few days as the story went around the world not just in print but the internet, national radio and television unfortunately the story was run on sensationalism side rather than the human side. Do I regret what happened at the time yes some of the comments were down right evil and not helpful at all. From that bad press I got the help I needed from Thinking Slimmer so I don't regret anything sometimes you have to go though tough times to reach the good times and appreciate more what you have. All through this period I had the support from Lorraine that I needed knowing that the whole process was being done on medical advice helped me through the process. People need to realize that decisions can only be made at any given time on the information that is available at that time which it was.

Thinking Slimmer did something amazing it worked 46 years of diets trying and failing something was finally working and yet again Lorraine stepped up seeing that I was losing some weight and before I had even started doing some exercise she said those immortal words that I first choose to ignore in the vain hope Lorraine would never ask again you can do the Great South Run 10 miles I think not. Things have now changed I am different Lorraine had planted a seed without me realizing it, I then started doing x box fitness training in doors way to embarrassed to go to a gym plus I hate them. 

So I have another chat with Lorraine the conversation goes like this "you really could do the the Great South Run you only have to walk one minute and jog one minute that will get you to the finish. Me in my head "Oh my god, Lorraine did not forget I'm in trouble now I have not run since I was 18 years old" Lorraine carries on with with her conversation and the killer sentence that means there is no escape no excuse "I will run it with you." Bombshell right there bang caught out how on earth do you say no thanks to be fair I sort of knew Lorraine would mention it again. Three hours after that chat I am signed up for my first ever run and its not a small one either 10 miles later to be 10 glorious miles around my home city. The rest as they say is history a running machine is born. 

Lorraine offered loads of help and support and we ran the the Great South Run after that race I had entered the Brighton Half Marathon and the The London Marathon Lorraine and I have also trained several times together and we will run together again in the future. Lorraine did not have to do any of this and bearing in mind how bad a patient I used to be this is even more amazing that people have faith in me to change my life for the better because I had my doubts that I had it in me to make this work for the rest of my life. 

Nominations Doctor of the Year. 

Having nominated Lorraine and only having two hundred and fifty words to use I was glad to have nominated Lorraine for me just doing this was my way of saying thank you. Knowing what great Doctors work in the local area I was only hoping to get Lorraine on the shortlist which I had achieved so we both went in to the evening to enjoy the meal and celebrate the great work that others do. Of course I wanted Lorraine to win but one of the great things I have learnt is to manage is expectations not every one can win I was happy with the nomination.

Another Goal reached wearing a dinner suit and being comfortable.

 There were twelve categories and the Doctor of the year was the second to last there was a runner up and a winner in each category. Its now time and the all names get read out I lean across and whisper in Lorraine's ear good luck. The name of the runner up gets announced and flashed up on the big screen on the stage DR LORRAINE ALBON.   

And the winners are

Off Lorraine goes up on to the stage to receive her well deserved award and get interviewed by Fred Dinenage I shed a tear or two I cannot begin to tell you how proud I feel and shocked to be honest. Lorraine gives a great interview and gets another round of applause and goes back stage for a quick interview with the The News and comes back to our table. 

This award is not just about me nominating Lorraine but about the way Lorraine carries out her duties as a Doctor she is not afraid to challenge, ask questions, make difficult decisions that need to be taken. I am not the only person that Lorraine goes the extra mile for there are many patients in the past present and future and the most important thing about Lorraine is that she cares very deeply about her patients even useless patients like me, the fact that Lorraine never gave up on me is a big part of who and where I am today. I will be eternally grateful to Lorraine and look forward to helping to inspire and encourage others in the future.

To everyone who has and will follow my journey in the future the running was started because Dr Lorraine Albon saw something in me that I did not. And every glorious step has and will be worth it for the rest of my life.      

              

Injury Update

Today was Chiropractor day I went there with great optimism although how do you say 2 bike rides one of 12.9 miles and the other 17.35 miles was taking it easy with a straight face was a challenge I think I pulled it off!

Joking aside the first bike ride was to my Mum's on Monday and the second bike ride was to my Dad's, I gave myself three whole days rest between the two to see if my hip flared up or not, even this morning apart from my legs being a little stiff when I got out of bed which is normal (I'm no spring chicken anymore)

1st Bike Ride  2nd Bike Run

So I had my treatment and we talked as we do about whats happening the fact that the bike riding is good for my hips and helps which is great news, and then I get the shock of my life we talk about running again just  one run two miles only then leave it for five miles to see how the hip copes then go for a three mile if all is good then another five day break up to four miles then see how we go. Now you think I would be singing from the rooftops but having gone through the ringer the last few weeks, I am a little worried to be honest and the only reason for that is the fear of failure the fear of getting closer to maybe never running again.

How stupid is that? what I should be feeling is the opportunity to nurse myself back to fitness slowly and safely to give me the best chance to run injury free in the future. My first response to the Chiropractor after him telling me was to confirm that I could still ride my bike in between the runs and that if I felt any hip pain that I would stop and wait to see him again. I am looking forward to doing my run and starting the process again hopefully my body won't break down but if it does I'm better equipped this time to deal with it and the bike riding is the difference this time. I also think with all the information I've had lately that being more level headed is better as well.

I have loved both my bike rides so far the fact that I can now ride without the worry of making my hip worse will be a relief and allow me enjoy it a bit more. I think its worth noting that I'm using a mountain type bike and not a road bike, this is the bike that I hated riding last year and whilst I'm enjoying it so far I feel that if this is the way go and mix and match or just bike riding then I need a fit for purpose bike. The other thing that is a little worrying is that other bike riders are overtaking me now I know most have not been riding there bike for one or two hours.

I know that I feel good having cycled for that long and feel amazing and maybe some more speed would come from a fit for purpose bike there again it may not, the fact is as always going out and doing it is the victory the fact I'm loving riding a bike I hated and pushing myself is amazing. I think what I'm trying to get across is that I have learned a lot over the past couple of months I have kept all my options open found other ways to train and learnt that I need to give my body time to heal. Frustration is a word I have used often but as long as I find information and learn from it I will come out the other side a better person and athlete.

Long Term Injury

My three runs I did after a month off and with treatment from the Chiropractor told me that I was not fixed and also sent me down in a spiral of major disappointment everything I have trained for, everything I have set goals for, both short term and long term, without being over dramatic may have to ripped up and started again, this is a major issue for me and to be honest I dd not handle it that well either, this was a disappointment to me on a personal level as I try so hard to be a better person than I have in the past.

I have flaws in my makeup that I really don't like that I have improved on but not yet mastered work in progress! its a massive kick in the teeth when I handle a situation badly and I look back after and think why did you not find the answers straight away or why think like that when I know its not good to be or think negatively.

My 3 runs were great I loved them they were not really hard after the time off. I always worry that having time off will mean I will never be able to run again when really what I am most scared of is having to start from scratch again which if happened so what? the one thing I have that can never be taken away is the experience of the last 15 months worth of running and training.

How bad is my hip injury and how long will I off running for?

History lesson and listen for those big alarm bells that start ringing half way through this paragraph! It was  not until talking to my Mum (Hi Mum) that she reminded my of my younger years growing up, I had a fear of having new trousers and them needing taking up, my Mum telling me to straight and still as she pinned the trousers up one side being more than the other and being shouted at for not standing up straight (but I was Mum honest) so the problem's I am having now go back to when I was a child. (Clearly I have not been lazy the past 30 odd years just looking after my hip!) So like my slimpod journey that is progressing nicely but being a lifestyle change it will take many years to break all the bad habits of the past 46 years and the same is now true of my hip injury.

As for time off running looking back since the London Marathon I have not run as often as I would have liked the 4 weeks off when I first saw the Chiropractor and now one month two months who knows and even after that time I may run again and aggravate the hip again this could be the end of running career (I sure hope not I have many goals still to achieve) I have already sent out an email to cancel/postpone my first race writing that email was so hard it felt like failure (I know its not but it hurts like if t was)

I am at the moment deluding myself about the Great South Run that I may run even with little training. That's the long term goal out the window to run the GRS every year for the rest of my life. For my long term health of being able to exercise for the rest of my life I must do the right things now no matter how hard or painful they are. This is my Paula Radcliffe moment and it hurts like hell in the pit of my stomach.

Now the first paragraph is starting to make sense? My mind is an explosion of thoughts good bad sensible and stupid, sorting them out to suit my journey to make new temporary goals to prepare myself for the realization that all or most of my long term goals are now possibly in tatters, that is very scary and is what sent my journey spinning out of control for a short while. Thankfully www.thinkingslimmer.com has given me the tools to look for and find answers and then the right answers for me and my journey.

My last 3 visit's to the Chiropractor have been to tell him I was suffering from hip pain after 2 rest days after the the training runs. the next coming to terms with what happened and what I could not do (negative thought process one of the bits I hate about me) and finally back on track what can I do to keep fit and healthy without doing any damage to my hip in the healing process.

Swimming and cycle ridding are good. You know about me and money bearing in mind I am paying for the Chiropractor (not cheap but worth every penny in the long run) so swimming is not the best options for training I will do some sessions Hazel said she would come so that gets her out doing something with me which means a lot to her as she can not run so that's great.

That leaves bike ridding I did buy a bike last year rode it to work a few times but I did not get on with it so its been locked away since then, and I ran instead. It is ready to ride I am not looking forward to it as the bike and rider should be as one. I have to do this it has to work I will see where my hip injury takes me then I will look at a proper bike maybe join a bike club and ride some races.

As you can see I have options there are always options we just may not know that at this present time or in what form they may take us. So instead of giving up like in the old days I have had a couple of wobbly weeks fallen off the wagon a little regrouped spoke to professional's my friends my family and my slimpod family and have found the positive's stopped worrying about weather I will or will not be able to run again.

I will take things slowly one step at a time when I'm told that I can or can not do something then I will make decisions on the facts at that time, I have spent to much time worrying about what may happen rather than on right here right now. The plus side is that Bike ridding may well be part of my training plan in the future so that I keep the impact on my joints to a minimum, maybe run shorter distance races in the future so that I can still run and my boot camp I still can not believe how much I loved doing it and miss it now.

So you can see there are options to evolve we should always evolve take stock of our goals and change them to keeps things fresh and us. This is not in anyway Failure (which I thought in the past couple weeks)  but adjustments to help us reach our goals.

IF WE CHANGE NOTHING, NOTHING CHANGES. (Trevor Silvester)

So my first official change to my long term goal is................... To run the Great South Run every year provided I am fit and healthy to do so and that by running the Great South Run I do not put my long term health in danger.

Just need to sort though the rest and change them as they need changing and add new ones as they come along they say things happen for a reason, I am excited to see if and where this bike riding malarkey may or may not take me move along Paula Radcliffe, Bradley Wiggins is joining you on my inspiration bench(I draw the line at side burns though). Let this part of my journey play itself out and I hope I reach some major highs like my running career so far.

Sandra Roycroft-Davis Founder and CEO of Thinking Slimmer Happy Birthday xxx

The London Olympic Games 2012

The two most amazing thing's for me about the Olympic games in London 2012 is that they are held in this country during my life time and the fact that at 47 years of age I am an athlete of 18 months in that time I have run distance's of 10k, 10 mile's, half marathon and marathon (not in that order).  My Journey is covered in my previous blogs my struggles my injuries my high's and my low's. I never thought I would write a blog like this until I watched the women's marathon on Sunday 5th August 2012.

I know for sure that I am watching the Olympic's in a very different way than I have watched them before. In previous years I was not an athlete in fact I was a lazy overweight person with tons of emotional baggage with no answer's. Today I am still a little overweight but I am a marathon runner (no one can ever take that away from me) an athlete someone who has fallen in love with and enjoying running.

What am I seeing that is so different this time? 

Trevor Silvester the voice of the slimpods told me when I started running and I was struggling for inspiration "When you put your running shoes you become an athlete and you think like an athlete". From that one statement I became an athlete I hope to be an athlete till the day I die, because I love the fact that I am an athlete. So back to the games lets start with the guys and girls at the back of the field the ones some people laugh at (Why, they are better than the people laughing because they got out there and gave it there best) I mention this as someone who regularly finish's towards the back of the field. 

The British athletes who gave there all. The crowds who shouted and cheered loudly for them. Not one of you let yourself's down you certainly never ever let down this fine country of ours, the fact you showed humility at the end of your event's whether Gold Silver Bronze or any other position just proves what great role models you all are.

I have had my Olympic moment more than once but the most special moment has to be the first, The Great South Run 10 glorious miles around my home city Portsmouth. Not a little race to start with a big race big distance big pride, I had great support from Thinking Slimmer fellow slim podders my Diabetic Doctor and my family. I can still tell you every detail of this special day and that from a man who can forget what he did yesterday!

https://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=212301062173044  

I think this really does show that we all have it in us to be positive and make changes in our lives for the better. The feel good factor will last a while (hopefully a lot longer) its important that people get motivated to exercise that the whole country included the governments of the day make it easier cheaper and accessible for this to happen, I love inspiring others to change their lives and believe they can improve there lives the buzz is just amazing.  

Roll on the Para Olympics more get history and inspiring story's to come. Great Britain really is a great country and we have the chance to keep the pride we all have to make great improvements.

Post Injury Run and New Running Shoes

Its been 30 days since my last run The British 10k in London it feels like a life time ago now, I have been good, I have not wanted to run because I want my hip sorted out. I want to run pain free I have trained very hard this past 15 months or so I have surprised myself by how many races and distances I have run, many if not all of them whilst my body was not 100% fit, to be fair who really thought my body could have coped with the weight issues and the running realistically. Not me if I'm honest, what I have found out is that never have I thought to myself stop running your body is hurting this is not for you, let me tell you running is for me I am so pleased to hopefully find answers and treatment that will help me reach my goals. I am not a quitter anymore I am a winner I will give myself every chance to reach my long term goals, one of which is to run the Great South Run every year for the rest of my life.

Some of you are aware of Barefoot running I won't bore you with details but you don't run barefoot there are a couple of stages one is sort of a interim stage and they are called minimalist shoes and the other ones are fingered shoes. I have gone with the minimalist shoe after a lot of thought and talking to people and taking into account my Diabetes. I have the Nike Free 4.0 as you can see above. I don't know if it shows but these shoes are soft,light,and flexible the other thing to note is that for me the soles of the shoe seem/are wider and my feet are not restricted inside them.

So my nice and gentle 1st run it started from Port Solent where I brought the shoes from the plan to jog walk home the 4 miles or so. I am really sorry guys but its weird as to why but I love the 4 mile run that is my comfort run distance so when I was told to take it easy and be careful it would be over the 4 mile mark. I promised myself that if anything went wrong I would stop and walk home my Garmin would have recorded that if it happened. I had no plan when I started my run. Why would I anything could have happened from injury to problems with the new shoes.

As I start running my feet feel so light my legs/muscle's are not sore I feel good my major worry is my cardio vascular I struggled in London and with 30 days with no training this was going to hurt wasn't it? It was tough but I was so surprised at how well I felt. I decided after about a 1/3rd of a mile that my plan would be to run 1 mile walk 2 minutes and repeat running whole miles each time I was always planning for the cardio to give up as well I am shocked that I ran 4 mile splits with breaks.  http://connect.garmin.com/activity/207783088
I promise you all I never overdid the running it was within myself my times show that each mile was slower just to prove that point.

The Nike Free wow what a difference I know it's only one run but I think I made the right decision getting them for my first run after injury, it requires running on the front of your feet and not heal to toe, I am convinced that with my dodgy uneven hip and the running shoes running heal to toe made this worse. So the same as accepting getting treatment and waiting 4 weeks before running I knew that I needed to run differently if I want to keep running. More updates to come on the barefoot running and the hip. It is just over 4 hours since I finished my run I have no aches or pains my muscles have not tightened up like before again I know its early but if I had done something wrong then there would be pain somewhere. I will take care over the next week or so with the new shoes and the injury and not get overexcited. I plan to run for many many years to come. What I do now decides if that is possible.    




































 

Injury Period

Its hard to blog when you have not run for three weeks because not a lot happens in that time, unless you live in my head that is.

Three weeks with no training and I'm not climbing the wall desperate to run. Does this mean I have fallen out of love with running? does it mean I don't care? does it mean I have given up? does it mean I'm a failure? Are these questions fair to ask? Lets see.

Why am I not climbing the wall this time around? The easiest question to answer, Expectation, How can I be expected to run and /or run faster and longer if my body is not one hundred per cent fit to do so, we go back to the London Marathon, that was the day that subconsciously I realized that my body was not fit to do the task in hand, it broke way to early in the race, if I'm totally honest I knew my body would brake down all my long training runs had shown this would happen, what I was expecting was it to brake down so quickly but so much bigger than in training, in all my training runs I was always able to walk it off then run a bit then walk it off. In the marathon it went and I could not run or jog another step BANG gone kaput as you all know I could walk and walk I did to the finish line.

I am now at peace with the London Marathon with my time with crossing the finishing line NO REGRETS any more I completed the London Marathon in Olympic year I am proud of what I achieved on that day. I am a winner.

Who can remember me saying this would be my one and only marathon? I can officially say on this post right now that as long as my injury can be sorted out and I get fixed I will run another marathon in the future, I have to know that my unpublished goals for the marathon whilst not overtly hard. I can do knowing everything that I do now about the the race I know I was on target before my injury kicked in. As the new Darin knowing I was on target is not enough I have to push myself to doing it again for my own peace of mind. I never again want to go through any part of my life with what if's.

Have I fallen out of love with running. I bloody hope not I love the freedom of running I love that you can run on your own or with friends I love that its not always about running P/B's but sometimes just about running, I love that running makes me feel alive I may feel tried after a run but not for long. I love that when I run a race and I check the results I start from the back of the finishers list to find out where I  finished or my time (it's quicker that way) I'm proud to have finished a race I don't care if I'm last I went out and took part that is always the victory if its a good time for me all the better if not I still ran the race and finished.

Do I care. You bet your ass I care, I care very deeply I have spent the last three weeks caring, thinking, working out what will or will not happen. Its because I care that I am not climbing the walls this time about running, its about knowing that something is broke really broke and needs fixing to be able to continue doing what I plan on doing for the rest of my life and that's run until its no longer possible to run.

I am really scared at the moment that my injury won't clear up that I may have to make adjustments maybe only run shorter distances worse case give up running altogether. I'm already thinking about cycle riding  as an alternative should the worse case happen. I think it's natural to think this way especially as I have spent pretty much my entire running career not being one hundred per cent fit.

I have had some major ups and downs during my first year of running as I look back over the last year and taking into account everything I am learning about myself this past three weeks, I think that everything I have achieved is even more remarkable than it was when it happened I just wish I was not as hard on myself when I had bad times just because at the time I had no understanding of my body and its weakness's, now that I do I can look after myself get the required help to fix it and hopefully carry on. I really the love the idea of being able to run pain free in the future now that really would be FREEDOM.

Have I given up. NO I will never give up any more, I will make adjustments as necessary I will always have or find a plan B, I am also aware of how running has brought my attention to my body and how it adapts when put under pressure, by learning different things we can try new things to make it better I will be doing this by very shortly buying new Bare Feet running shoes this seems a perfect fit with my four week injury break to introduce this and I am very excited with the whole idea of going back to beginning of man and the fact they used to hunt for food by running after its prey in bear feet, it never did them any harm. Clearly I have not given up always looking forward to find answers to improve and carry on.

Am I a Failure. How can you fail if you do something that you never did before? I have to say I used to be worried that finishing at the back of the field was considered a failure (A blog about peer pressure and the old Darin to be written one day) I will remind you of the Worthing 20 mile road race.http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=9152129482720036279#editor/target=post;postID=8658592993085402451 This is the one race I did not complete and at the time it caused me a lot pain and turmoil I asked myself many question's about running and putting myself under that much pressure. The one thing I do know is that I still struggle when I put myself or others put me under pressure, I will never not push myself because to beat this is to face it head on with good information and give it a go, never ever give up.

This race whilst not up there at the very top of my achievements is one step below them, it is the most important race I have ever entered, run in my life I suspect it to be the most important race I will ever enter for the rest of my life just because it was the race that I learned about Darin McCloud the person the athlete. I liked what I found to be honest it has helped make me the person I am today writing this blog.

From the jaws of failure comes greatness to those that look for it. You cannot fail for trying something you only fail by doing nothing.

For those people who may read this at the start of your journeys and think why bother it may hurt or I will never be able to do this, I am not the only person to run through the pain barrier my running partner Becca Jones has problems as well so never give up on yourself.

I would also like to mention as the Olympics are on at this time Paula Radcliffe and amazing and truly great British long distance runner who has had the misfortune to pull out due to injury, an injury that may mean she can never run marathons again Paula has stated that she will not announce her retirement she will fight her injury problem and if the worst happens she will carry on running smaller distance's because she is so in love with the freedom that being out there gives you. Injuries happen to fun runners like us and also to professional runners like Paula. Never ever Give up. 

The other important thing I need to add to this blog is that over the last three weeks with no training I have become more tired I have slept in the afternoons after an early shift (I never had a sleep in the afternoons since training started)  So one of the effects of training is to help you to be more awake, more alert, more alive. I need to train again and very soon I need the structure that is training because I need the drug that is LIFE. But only when I'm told will I start training again and not before.

Injuries and Niggles

I'm sorry for not blogging before now I have struggled mentally to handle this phase of my journey, I have for the first time since I started my journey made a decision to not blog after my last race as I struggled for inspiration to write in the blog, I also felt I needed to find some answer's for myself and also balance spending some quality time with Hazel rather than being on the computer most of the time. (just writing this blog will take hours) I had also spoke with my parents and they were concerned I had not blogged as well.

Lets just go back to Sunday 10th June 2012 and my first international run and also representing Portsmouth City Council I am proud and passionate about my home City so I was pretty pumped about running this event. This is the link to the run and my thought's of the day. http://connect.garmin.com/activity/187913296

my notes are honest and true and meant at that time, But I have to admit to being really disappointed about that run, not about the time or the weather or injury or any other reason but with the inner Darin the one that spoke the loudest and stopped me running to my full potential, only running for one mile was poor by any standards even on a bad running day. I wish I could now write a paragraph about how great I feel and how much I have learnt from that day but I can't. More on why not later in the blog. I have taken the positives out of the day I'm just not jumping up and down about it just yet. 


Since the 8th June 2012 I have only ran three times, one race and two training runs this is my last training run before the Caen race. http://connect.garmin.com/activity/186781277 I have just read it back and the last sentence horrifies me, how can I be so stupid and deluded to think like that, where did my common sense go "I will take a week off running but I will do boot camp"!!!! Really. Tracey Cox I am so sorry to have let you down, I give you all the advice that I have learnt over the last year you ask me questions then say Why! and I explain the reasons for doing things in a certain way so you can make good choices. I not only go and do the opposite but write about it without realizing or looking back to see what happened and learn from it.  


I have done six Boot Camp sessions since the 8th June 2012  http://connect.garmin.com/activities As I am writing this blog and looking at my training log its hitting home just how far I have fallen my from journey plan. I am at this very moment feeling ashamed, embarrassed, and downright bloody stupid. When did I start to think it will be acceptable to not run because I have an injury I do not understand, but I can/will still do Boot Camp (here's the truth coming to hit me full on in the face)  because I have paid for the Boot Camp session's so I will do them. REALLY!!!! Someone kick me up the backside now. (in a month or so times would be better!) Whilst my Boot Camp training is new the other reason for going is that I have fallen in love with them, I have seen some good progress and I want to continue doing them even in the rain!, I honestly thought I would do this for a while and stop and find something else to do just because at school and still now I was/am not that good at some of the exercise's, as an adult/athlete I understand the benefits of pushing ones self to improve, to say I'm shocked by this is an understatement.


I feel the need to write this paragraph not to justify myself but to unload and hopefully move on. Money. I freak out about money I am way better than I used to be Hazel can testify to that one. Whilst I am not tight I look for value for money like why pay for a gym monthly get tied in for ages and then never go (just one example) Having saved a fortune on food since I started Thinking Slimmer I want to put that money to good use which I have by buying running kit in sales etc Running shoes buy the best your feet need them. And entering races. In general Hazel and I get by we have a little for emergency's but we have to make decisions  about were are money goes. I am aware of that and we had a major chat about me seeing a Chiropractor because it only benefits me and that worries me a lot, to be fair to Hazel it only cost me £49 for her to get a new mobile phone whilst I spend a few hundred pounds getting better lol. In all seriousness here lies the crux of the problem I have known for a long time I needed to see a Chiropractor but was unwilling to do so because of the cost hence making the problem worse and Hazel being annoyed with me for being stupid (and she wanted a new phone!) I hope to learn from this episode and move on this has clearly been a mental block that has stopped me making the correct choices at the right times and I have clearly suffered for it now. 


So I have an injury that is like a trapped nerve I take pain killers and think it will go away, I take more pain killers and still it does not go away I know that going to the Doctors may not solve the problem. I am also very well aware of my friend and running partner Becca Jones who has been seeing  her Chiropractor since last year and all the good work he has done for Becca. Yet it takes me to wait for a Groupon deal to turn up to get me to do the right thing and see someone who can help me (see above paragraph for reason's) I make the appointment have the first consultation which is basically me telling Chris (My Chiropractor) what's wrong with me what I have done or not done about it, feeling more stupid as the realization hits home the more the words slip out of my mouth, I also have two x-rays done. I go back two days later for the results and treatment plan.


We start with the X-rays and a skeleton of the spine and hips, the good news is all is good which was a worry after years of abusing my body only one of the bones is slightly worn down and is of no major concern  I get a brief run down and I am happy with the information I am given. My hip is high on the left hand side and is basically the reason why I have had the problems with my left leg, this also explains why I have had problems with my calf's and predominantly on my left side also all my massage sessions when my left leg was always worse than the right (I can see the light bulb above my head flickering) My bones our stiff in three places in the neck this is why I have been getting major headaches for the first time in my life? in the lower spine where all my problems are at the moment and my hips are also stiff. (now the light bulb is shinning brightly) All my problems since I started training/running boil down to this moment, I had help from Becca but I choose not to go down that road until my body broke down. This answer's so many question's that I having been asking recently that I could not find or see. 


The Biggest question of all was Why did the marathon not go to plan? how did it fail so badly? I have trained so hard for the marathon why why why??? Today the answer is in front of me staring me the face as I write this blog. Yes I trained very hard and I should be so very proud of myself on that front I did all that I could do and by finishing the marathon this was proved. But I ignored my body and all the danger signals that it kept sending out, my going to have leg massage's were only masking the problem not making it better.(I will still have massage's but will expect different results from them in the future.) 


Becca I am so sorry that I did this so wrong that I was so naive or scared to find the answer before the marathon, that it has taken until now to find the answer, at least I never stopped looking for the answer which is good, now that I have I can truly come to terms with the failure of that day and move on to be a better runner and running partner who can carry on loving the sport and encourage, inspire and help others to enjoy being fit and healthy. You are right Becca I would have and will if needed do exactly the same for you without hesitation.   


So now the bad news because I have not done things correctly I now have to suffer, the price I have to pay is very steep, no running/training for a minimum of one month. I know this is going to hurt and frustrate me on the plus side I now know that when this works and I am fixed and with regular checks ups in the future I will be able to run and train with the freedom I have not been able to do for a very long time. Chris has allowed me to the British 10k this Sunday the 8th July 2012 I am so grateful for this and it will help me through the tough times when I want to run and I know I can not. I will take this time to go back to basic's as I have another issue that will come to light now. Eating, I clearly eat enough food for my training and I clearly have been eating a little too much recently with not really running, this show's I have to from today reevaluate how much food I need to eat and to a lesser but still important point what type of food it is, as I will not be doing any exercise I will be listening to my slimpod every day without fail to help me achieve this goal. 


The treatment will last nearly 3 months to start with so this is not a easy fix but a proper long term fix. 


The positives to take out of the last couple of months are that if you keep asking yourself questions you will always find answers, that some questions are harder to find the right answers to than others, that trying something new like (boot camp) and struggling with an injury that its ok to stop take the time to recover and then start again. (Its not a failure) And the biggest positive of all for me is to get myself injury free and back to doing what I truly love to do, Running. I think there is a clear link between my last blog and this blog that answer's so many if not all of the questions posed and I feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. 


To recap in One Year I have ran and finished a 10 mile race (GSR) a half marathon (Brighton) a full marathon (London)  inc in two days time three 10k race's (Marwell) (Caen, France) (British 10k London) and lastly I ran in a 20 mile race (Worthing) and failed to finish but still completed 10 miles. http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=9152129482720036279#editor/target=post;postID=8658592993085402451  The realization that most of this has been done whilst not 100% fit show's just how far I have come on my journey from 21 stone  lazy person to this point in my unfinished journey and also show's how resilient our bodies really are when they are pushed, far tougher than I ever thought possible. After today when I read back on my blogs and my running records I will take the happy memories that come with them and look at all the disappointing things of those runs in a very different light. Today is another eureka day when the enormity of what I have learnt really hits home. 


I am really looking forward to Sundays British 10k fresh in the knowledge that all I have to do is enjoy the day the wonderful surroundings and sights of London and the victory is crossing the finish line when I get there. That will be the difference between my last 10k and this I will have no baggage or expectations hanging over me which is a shame because the Caen 10k was a lovely route. Saying that and meaning that has been very difficult in the past as its only natural we want to be better or faster then we were yesterday, it's just not always possible, so enjoying the run is the victory every single time. 


I would like to thank my parents for mentioning that I had not blogged for a while and was I ok.  I was ok I was just looking for answer's in the wrong place and it took a little time to find to find the right place. And to Tracey Cox Thank You for noticing I was a little quite and messaging me to say so and check I was ok those chats were good and made me realize I needed to find answer's in a different place to where I was looking. For allowing me to mentor you the past 10 weeks in the build up to your very first race, in just over a weeks time, the race for life 5k I have so loved helping you watching you grow in 10 short weeks to go from not being able to run at all to making decisions that are right for you (except about resting and overdoing it!) One whole month your moaning about a couple of days lol. Remember the goal to be able to not walk the whole 5k You are so ready for this I am so proud of you. Get out there enjoy the day and the occasion, then we prepare for the Great South Run I cannot wait for that this year, Just look back at how far you have come in such a short space of time it really is possible.