One Amazing Day

I want to record what happened on Sunday 27th January 2013. Something rather special happened to me and I think it is up there with all the other amazing milestones that have happened to me since I started running. I will do a brief history to the build up of the day first.

Debbie Cox and I first met in training for the Great South Run and as a small group of people we stayed in touch on facebook. Debbie took a break from running and then wanted to start again, Debbie asked if there were any local 10k races around and I replied with a couple of races and the offer to run with her on one of the races I had already entered. That was how Debbie and myself started on our training together helping each other to be motivated to get out and run, I needed this help as well having had a 4 month injury lay off it was hard to get back in to the routine especially as winter was approaching.

We have had some great training sessions together we have learnt each others habits we know when to talk when not to talk we have even run a whole session with music and no talking just running together, having  someone with you is enough sometimes. I really love helping and passing on my experiences it gives me such a buzz, the fact I take a lot from Debbie as well makes it a great two way support structure.

The downside to this is me or more importantly my injuries (my calf's) I don't like to say enter this race and I will run it with you then not run, even if injured or not that's not me I don't like it. I have managed to learn and adapt and look for ways to still be a good running buddy and not just give up because I have an injury. The first time this happened was the Hursley 10k last year I had two friends running one in the 5k and  Debbie in the 10k I was gutted at letting my friends down so I spoke with the race director and offered to be a marshall for the race which there were more than happy for me to do. Sadly I was not on the dual course section so missed my friends 5k but I had a great spot three quarters of the way up a hill.

It was so great to see Debbie running up that hill and give her support and encouragement at that point I knew I had done the right thing and was able to help not only Debbie but myself the other great thing was I was able to get to the finish before Debbie so could cheer her home to the finish line. I felt so proud to have done my little bit on that day to make a big difference. It showed me that I am a better person than I give myself credit for especially on my bad days when I feel worthless.

Sunday 27th January 2013 three weeks until race day and Debbie's first Half Marathon I had spoke to Debbie about a 12.3 mile run to Portchester and back I had done for last years half marathon, when I was not injured and running freely. Debbie looked at me as she sometimes does like I was from another planet after I had explained the route the benefits of doing the run the fact it would be the last long run before race day Debbie was looking forward to this run as I was. Alas my body let me down again. Again I have a plan that will hopefully work for both of us, I let Debbie know and she thinks its a great idea.

I dust off my old mountain bike get it ready I have my rucksack so that I can carry Debbie's drink's and gel's this is a dress rehearsal for race day to see what works what does not work how Debbie feels when taking a gel and how she feels after the gel if there is not a boost in the right way we need to know. Today is not about the run itself it about everything else, all the information we learn today will make the race so much easier. We all have fears and worries can we run that far, I'm scared about running that far, will I finish, what if something happens, how will I cope running a new coarse for the very first time etc.

Off we go the first thing to mention is the weather we had heavy rain and high winds during the night whatever the weather we were running race day could have the same weather being only three weeks away, thankfully the weather cleared we had blue skies strong gust of wind in our faces on the way out and at our backs on the way home perfect weather conditions the wind was a challenge but it was great to run in the sun.

This is Debbie's training run so when to walk in the run is Debbie's choice when to drink is Debbie's choice and the gels, we talked about as she ran it's not just about when you take the first gel but about distance you take them afterwards to see you through the race you never want to run out but neither do you want a long gap without one if you need one.

Riding a bike beside a runner was very surreal, of coarse I wanted to be running but this is the next best thing having seen films were you have the trainer wrapped up like a Michelin man with layers of clothes and the towel wrapped round the neck tickled my sense of humour and kept me amused. The first 6 miles was Debbie's comfort zone we chatted I checked that everything was good we even stopped for a loo break early on.

The reason for mentioning this is it happens on race day do you stop and queue up, there is always a queue or do you carry on for miles before another loo appears will it affect how you run, will it distract you etc The loo break is not something we normally need to think about on shorter runs.

We carry on I explain what part of the route is coming up to watch her feet on the grass and to take her time crossing the one major road we have to do, this happens pretty much all the way round Debbie also said we she wanted to listen to music (very polite way of saying shut up Darin!!!!)

Something different happened to our running relationship on this day in a good way, we had a laugh we were not only learning about the race day but we took the mickey out of each other. We have laughed before but not like today, it made the two and a half hours go so quick.

The best part of the run was around Portchester Castle and the sea wall which is a little narrow in places we have run round that part before in training for the GSR 2011 and I had run this route last year as well, because of the heavy rain this winter the ground was sodden with some puddles of water some large some small and the grass area's were like a thick muddy goo.

Watching Debbie tip toeing like a ballet dancer shouting out my new running shoes are getting muddy was priceless, I had my troubles trying to ride a bike through mud whilst not getting too far ahead of Debbie was interesting at one stage I was so close to being stuck in the mud and about to fall over on one side in to the mud. This was all very slapstick very funny to both of us, and made a very challenging section of the course fun instead of what am I doing here running in this.

On a side note I will do one of these crazy muddy assault course races in the future with a group of friends getting cold wet and muddy might just be a right good laugh.

The last couple of miles of any run is tough and Debbie showed no signs that she found the last tough we were on our normal running route we have run every time we go out Debbie knows where we are and how far to the end. Debbie tells me she wants to plug in to music for the homeward stretch I check that she is feeling good mot hurting and tell her she must shout me if she needs anything.

This is my time to back off and allow Debbie to get in the zone for race day and push through those last two miles. I stay in front of Debbie by a good distance I can turn round and see her, she can see me so if anything went wrong I was still there. We get to the end of the run I check that Debbie is good we have a chat and a stretch.

Debbie thanked me for that session for going out on my bike when I did not have to, of course I had to I had promised a great 12 mile training route in November to be the last long run before Brighton I don't like to let people down (my calf has no morals). We have thanked each other many times in the past always saying to each other you don't have to.

Today's thank you meant so much more because Debbie allowed me the privilege to not only take her on this run but for me to impart all my knowledge that I had gained last year when I run this course just before Brighton. It has taught me that with the right experiences and my hunger to help support and motivate others I can do this and make a difference. I know for a fact that the Debbie Cox who cross's the start and finish line in three weeks time will be a better runner than at any time in the past with all that new information to hand, just like myself last year.

Today writing this blog I know just how special the Brighton Half Marathon will be to Debbie having done all the training for what be her longest race to date, completely different from the GSR. It may only be an extra 3.2 miles and we are guilty of saying "ONLY" they will be a special 3.2 miles. I am so gutted for the first time to not be able to run, the memories of that day last year and the training in the build up god it is so special.

On the plus side I will be there on race day cheering on Debbie Cox and  Becca Jones two amazing Slimpod Stars who blow my mind with what they can do. If you cannot run a race due to an injury the next best thing is helping someone achieve their goals. 

Finally I wish to Thank Debbie Cox publicly for the help support and encouragement to the fact that on the 2nd day my calf went the realization that my Brighton goal had disappeared that we had only ran a few minutes you took the time to talk to me encourage me and walk me back home. Just being there at that time in that moment stopped me from breaking down and showing me that I had other goals to now work on.

The fact that you drove home and then went out and did the training run, I was so proud of you for doing that when the easiest thing to do was to not bother having had the routine messed up.

For getting me out running again after my injury lay off as winter set in there were many days I may not have run, if we had not run together just because I was out of practice of running. So before you reply "But I don't do anything" like you do!!!! That's what you do for me. I have one last request Debbie.

Enjoy every step of Brighton it will blow your mind.

A link to the route and the time Debbie did Portchester Castle Route 2:36:34 truly amazing.






































  

Readjustment of Goals for 2013

I am making a decision that I had hoped not to make but realistically knew I would have to make after Brighton, that's to pull out of the Brighton Half Marathon and announce that I will no longer run more than 10 miles which means my long term goal of running the Great South Run every year is still possible. So no more half or full marathons for the foreseeable future, I am going to concentrate on 10k (6.2m)

The reason for making this difficult decision is that my calf has broken down yet again as I was increasing my mileage in preparation for Brighton with 6 weeks to go this was not good and the realization that I could not do a Great South Run and finish at any cost. Having seen my Chiropractor he advised that I take a full 3 weeks off running to allow full recovery that would leave 3 weeks to train and the chances are I would break down again if not in training then on the day itself and I would then be laid up for longer, I have plans for this year that do not involve getting injured and spending months not running (been there got the t-shirt never again if I can help it).

Having made the right choice to pull out of Brighton and long distance running I needed to get my head in the right place to avoid going back into depression, this choice deep deep down seems like failure like letting others down, the start of letting me down and giving up (just like the old days) even now after two full years of www.thinkingslimmer.com I am still scared I will fail, (really!!!!) So I wrote an email to five very special people entitled "A Needy Moment" I had made my decision and I knew that the reasons were sound, correct and the right thing to do, so why the email?

I needed confirmation that I would not be letting them, all of you down and myself down (how bloody crazy and stupid I still am) the still messed up darkest reaches of mind. Anyway I got back all 5 responses in double quick time each one with a different point of view but all with the same sentiment you are doing the right think it makes perfect sense to do it, its alright to do it, and to stop thinking about others and think of myself first do what's right for me, those 5 responses gave me the answer that I did not know I was looking for but I am so grateful for getting, I felt I owed those 5 people for ever (that's just the way I'm made up) for giving/helping me get my life back. I am as always willing to help in any way in the future that will never ever change.

They have all just taught me that me being me is the gift they want most from me to be free to make choices that are for my benefit first and their's second, this is new to me and explains the gap between the emails and this blog as I digested all this new information and realized that another huge weight has been lifted off my back. So with no guilt and a great deal of pride I would like to say I had a great running year did some amazing life changing things that can never be taken away from me and spent way too long being injured, I have great warm memories, where I sit down and relive those races I remember everything about each of them amazing when a lot of the time I struggle to remember what I did yesterday.

So as of now I will not Run Brighton, when I am fit to run next week I will start training for my duathlon series I will only run when fit my training runs will consist of 4 mile run a 6.6 mile run and interval training at appox 3 miles as well as cycling, this training plan will help me to keep my fitness improve my fitness over the longer term and prepare me for my 3 duathlon's and the 10k races I will enter this year I also plan to run a 5k race because I have never run one, not sure when but I will find one.

More importantly I hope that going back to shorter distances will help me shift the weight I have put back on, running longer distances is known not to aid weight loss, I have no regrets about being called a "marathon runner" I am happy today with with my past and where I am, I am making choices that whilst partly due to my body breaking down is also a warning to say Darin do the right thing for you get back on track, your goals for 2013 will work so much better, listen to the signals and make the right choices. Today I am announcing those choices to the world and I feel amazing about doing so without the guilt of letting anyone down.

I will spend some time shortly entering the duathlon series how lucky to have this in Portsmouth so no traveling involved, the comfort of knowing the routes stress free and exciting just like the first Great South Run. I will enter a couple of 10k races that I have an eye on, if not this year then next it would be great to run some races around the country with my great friends running network, in the slimpod and Facebook groups as well.

I will be at Brighton as a spectator to support the two slimpod stars running, its not the same as running but the next best thing and something I'm really looking forward to doing. I start the year on a slightly sad note, knowing it will make my year hopefully injury free is the reason I have no guilt and look forward to 2013 with more zest and vigour. This year will be better than 2012, I am already excited about writing next years blog about 2013 and how amazing it was.

2012 Review

What an eventful Year 2012 was certainly the most action packed year in my life ever, there were so many highs one or two lows one of which turned into a high later in the year (London Marathon more on that later) so much that I have learnt this year and so much more to learn next year, I have had success's during the year and failure(only feedback not failure) as well. I will try and write this blog in sections Running Cycling, Injury and Health, Mental Well-being (depression) and Inspiration and Helping Others.

Running Cycling Injury's and Health.

My first full year as a runner in Olympic year London 2012 if you cannot be motivated in such an amazing sporting year when can you? As I said in the opening paragraph very eventful so I will start now hopefully in the right order if not I do apologize. The first race of the year is the Brighton Half Marathon February 19th this was really strange as the reason for entering this race was to keep up the running during the cold wet winter planning ahead then the London Marathon become a reality and that become the priority and Brighton part of the training plan. Brighton Half Marathon  Just a reminder that this was only race two in my lifetime ever. Really pleased with this race at the time. So the training for London carried on and the next big step was the Worthing 20 mile road race, the only race I have failed to complete after speaking with Sandra Roycroft-Davis whom I so grateful answered the phone on Mothers Day (Thank You Again) I realized that sometimes I put myself under to much pressure and that I am still not ready to fully handle pressure in the right way, there are two links now one for the race and a link to the blog as it was too big to put in comments box Worthing 20 MIle Road Race Worthing Blog This is the one race that I learnt so much about running and myself and the race I am most proud of looking back.

Onto the BIG ONE the Virgin London Marathon, Darin McCloud Marathon Runner I will never ever get bored of that statement. A race of two half's a defining moment in my life that at the time was full of disappointment regardless of the opening line in this paragraph. What I did not know at that time was that I have been carrying an injury (A lifetime Injury) and the longer the distance's the more my body broke down, It would take six months for the penny to drop on this point, when it did my god! I did start the marathon and I did finish the marathon I may have walked the last 10 miles but I had the courage, strength and support  network to put the initial disappointment to one side dig deep and finish what I had started. Worthing had helped on that knowing what it is like to not finish a race is something I don't want to feel again unless I have a leg hanging off!! The Virgin London Marathon Marathon Blog.

The rest of the year is made up of 10k races until the end of October which will be the Great South Run and the start of running races a second time. I will do a quick recap of the races now. My next race after the marathon was the Marwell 10k just four short weeks later, This race is my personal best for 10k that's four weeks after a calf injury in both legs pushing on and walking the last 10 miles on a course that is very hilly looking back now I can see only failure regrets and just being grateful for taking part. Not going out and nailing a P/B that I have yet to get close to since. Marwell 10k

I also at this time start boot camp training something I really enjoyed but alas made my calves worse, I still have not gone back to boot camp training as I am still not right with my calves. My next race was my International debut a 10k race in Caen France this was a hard race for me but the time was better than I thought for the way I ran on that day. Caen 10k  Next up the British 10k run on part of the Olympic Marathon course pretty bloody amazing watch both Marathons knowing I had run part of that course. British 10k

I need to add here that I have been seeing a Chiropractor for three months or so the GSR was touch and go but I desperately wanted to run this race no matter what, this is the only race that I have that much feeling for being as it race number one and the race I want to run every year for the rest of life. The Great South Run The last run of the year for me was the Santa Run 10k again this was a horrible race I struggled from start to finish, I could not get my breathing or pace sorted so just finishing was the victory for me. Santa Run.

       
I also entered but did not start three races due to injuries they were the Hursley 10K the Portsmouth RNLI 10K and the Gosport Half Marathon. You cannot run when injured that's for sure I will need to rethink entering races early as the only downside is paying to run these races and not running them, I am not well off but I make sure that I spend my money on things that will improve my life in the long term and not taking part in those runs hurt more financially than mentally. Another lesson learnt but I'm sure I will enter some races early anyway (Already signed up for GSR that's a given) My running stat's for the year are

Count:	89 Activities
Distance:	536.89 mi
Time:	108:52:48 h:m:s
Elevation Gain:	10,774 ft
Avg Speed:	4.9 mph
Avg HR:	144 bpm
Avg Run Cadence:	--
Avg Bike Cadence:	--
Calories:	90,569 C

Due to my injury my Chiropractor said that cycling would aid my recovery and help my hip, this has opened up endless new possibility's included buying a quality road bike to make cycling enjoyable and fun, I am again amazed that I can do this and enjoy doing it at the same time my longest cycle ride to date is a 48 mile round trip to Bognor Regis really 48 miles!! Its important to note that whilst I enjoy my cycling until such time as I cannot run any more I will always be a runner first and cyclist second I do also plan to integrate both in 2013 by entering a Duathlon series in Portsmouth this year Duathlon Race Series as soon as Brighton is finished this will be my focus till May, I love a challenge. My cycling Stat's for this year are

Count:	14 Activities
Distance:	266.69 mi
Time:	22:15:58 h:m:s
Elevation Gain:	4,315 ft
Avg Speed:	12.0 mph
Avg HR:	143 bpm
Avg Run Cadence:	--
Avg Bike Cadence:	--
Calories:	18,257 C

My overall stats for the year are below these also include the boot camp sessions.

Count:	119 Activities
Distance:	840.90 mi
Time:	147:32:08 h:m:s
Elevation Gain:	15,412 ft
Avg Speed:	5.9 mph
Avg HR:	140 bpm
Avg Run Cadence:	--
Avg Bike Cadence:	--
Calories:	114,486 C

I have an awful lot to look forward to in 2013 as well as some frustration I hope to make proper decisions about my long distance running after Brighton in February mentally I am ready to make those decisions and find new ways to keep running injury free in 2013.
As for 2012 what a great year even with the injuries. The last part of this section is my weight as of yesterday my weight was 104.5kg or 16st 6lbs  this is way to high and something I have struggled with ever since I was unable to train the good news (if there is any really) this has been my top weight for about 2 months now so at least I have found a level I also wonder if my weight gain has anything to do with my injuries I think not but it won't hurt to lose what I have gained that's for sure, so one of my goals for 2013 is to get my weight down to 95kg or 14st 5lb by the end of October so I give myself the best chance to run the best race possible for the Great South Run. So that's really two goals as I plan to smash the 2 hour mark. I will also make another goal and that's to listen to my slimpods every day just like when I started my journey back to basics if like whilst the running and cycling has carried on at a great pace and I often say I can not believe I am still running.

I am very disappointed with myself I cannot say that about eating yet, I can accept the work in progress and the patience that is required to achieve these goals and the fact that being injured for so long affected the weight gain, now is the time to right those wrongs the slimpods are about learning and improving and I am sure my weight would have spiraled out of control without them. This will not be easy as it was not the first time I have to get out of the mindset that I can eat more because I train, that fell apart with my long term injury. I understand where I went wrong, why it went wrong, and want I need to do to make sure it does not go wrong again (there is no failure only feedback) and I love I know all this as I embark on 2013 making it an even better year than 2012.

Mental Well-Being Depression.

During my injury lay off finding out I needed a Chiropractor and the fact it took so long to get better was really quite tough I felt at the time that my running career was over that I would never be able to run again it really affected me quite badly and another of my regrets is that as a person I still struggle to handle my disappointment in a good positive way rather than the bad old way I still do, if there is one thing I could change about me straight away this would be it the way I react when I get disappointed with myself, during this period I also had problems at work was I at fault were others at fault did I really have a melt down at the way I was being treated at work was everything connected or not???

I really don't know the answer to that what I do know is at that time I honestly believed that I was being bullied, it was a dark time coping with work and the injury I am so grateful to my two line managers who helped me get through such a tough time not only for me but my fellow team members as well. Its ironic that everything become clearer and better at the same time as the GSR so there must be a link I just don't understand it another fault of mine. The only bright spot of this period was how much more I was aware of the depression so whilst not knowing how to deal with it better I am aware that has to be a massive bonus.

Another goal for 2013 is to try and have a more level year that the highs and lows are not so extreme that I can handle situations better when/if I struggle, this would be a massive goal to achieve over the year.

Inspiration and Helping Others.

I'm not too sure how this section will go as I'm writing this so this will be interesting if it makes any sense. I love the fact that people are still inspired by me I sometimes get fed up with Darin the weight loss runner guy, so that people are still interested in my journey amazes me and I am so grateful that people are. The other bonus of my Slimpod journey is that I get to help people, either on the slimpod club, twitter, email and in person. This gives me such a massive buzz its unreal, During this year I have helped Tracey Cox run a 5k race for life and the greatest lesson I learnt is that people who push themselves and have a support network do amazing things that even they did not believe they could do, that includes me when I started running. Well done Tracey I'm so proud of what you achieved. I have also helped another slimpodder Debbie Cox, Debbie lives in Portsmouth and we first met up training for the GSR in 2011. This year Debbie asked for some races to run and we started training together (when I've not been injured) this arrangement has been more beneficial for me than Debbie, I would not have done so much running after my injury without Debbie helping and supporting me so this is really good that we help each other and having spent many lonely hours running on my own it has been amazing having a running partner I recommend it to anyone although solo runs have there place as well its about getting the balance right. Debbie Cox thank you for all your help.

I look forward to inspiring and supporting people on there journeys, I also want to help and support Sandra Roycroft-Davis where I can, this will be a big special year for Thinking Slimmer I know how hard Sandra has worked in 2012 to make 2013 special. I also hope to help out with Dr Lorraine Albon with local people with Diabetes, I hope this can all happen this year as helping others is such an amazing thing to give back.

I have a lot of goals and plans for 2013 I am so looking forward to this year being so much better and amazing than last year. And last year was pretty amazing.



   

   

Great South Run 2012

First up I have struggled with the will to write blogs and whilst feeling guilty about not doing so the over riding reason for not writing blogs has been the enormous pressure I put myself under to take put in the Great South Run, the long term hip injury that nearly made that impossible and sad to say the depression that I fell into whilst trying to come to terms with cancelling races I had entered not being able to run, putting on a little weight as I did not/would not adjust my eating because I always thought I will be able to run next week when clearly that was not going to happen. I also had major problems at work that to me bordered on bulling and I did not want to write blogs that could have been very negative poisonous. The good news is these problems whilst taking time have become a lot better I longer hate going to work and I am getting back into a proper training routine and getting back to being the old new Darin.

The Great South Run, the major achievement was making the start line, not making the start line would no doubt have affected me badly mentally this is THE race its the first ever race I have entered in its my home city Portsmouth and I am so proud to be born and live in this great city, I have also made my long term goal to run this race every year for the rest of my life. So not making year 2 was something akin to failure to me (stupid i know but...)

My training was pretty much non existent having not being able to run as my hip was being treated I got the go ahead to run for 2 miles and then increase the mileage by 1 mile a week if I have no problems with my hip flaring up. I had hope but as always when returning from injury things don't always go to plan, My hip on the whole was good with the runs but my calves had different ideas and this nearly caused me to miss the race. My longest run was GSR Training Run 2 weeks before race day this run and only at this point did I know I would make the race and be able to relax for the first time in months.

Now making the start line, having no real training and running 10 miles having calf problems during the run up to race day does mean you have to be sensible about what you want or can get out of the race. So running 10 miles to start with is unlikely to happen to run faster than last year is just fantasy and to not finish the race is something that could happen (not because I would give up but that my body would not be able to cope).

Lorraine Albon my Diabetic Doctor was unable to run this year due to work commitments and Becca Jones was full steam ahead with her training to smash her P/B from last year, with Lorraine having to pull out my thoughts turned to how I wanted to plan my race and support Becca as you all know we have run all our big races together so this was very important to me that I was to Becca achieve her goal as well as me achieve mine. Based on my run above I knew that if I can get to 5/6 miles injury free I would get to finish the race come what may if I could that at a decent pace I would set Becca up to give her the best chance to achieve her goal.

Race day approaches Becca and I have talked and agreed our race plan I will run with Becca I will try and keep going for as long as I can when I cannot keep up Becca will carry on I will fall back and see where my race takes me. Everyone has a race plan there is no guilt no regrets we have been dealt our hands and are ready to go.

We start the race in white wave one group up from last year the whole experience is completely surreal this is the first time we have started a race for the second time there are no fears no worries we know the whole process we know the course this race is about enjoying the whole experience and enjoy it we did. This year the race goes so quickly the one thing I feel this year is the fear of the unknown is gone I am looking forward to every single step.

The first 5 miles goes so well we pass it in 55 minutes great pace for me and on track for Becca soon after this point I start to feel the pace (lack of training) I have a chat with Becca to let her know that I am starting to struggle with the pace that I will soon start to drop my pace, so that Becca does not drop her pace because I start to slow down. Shortly after that chat I slow down Becca is starting to pull away and my only thought is that the wind along the seafront miles 8-10 are kind and Becca nails the race and gets the time she so wants and deserves.

For me its about getting to the the finish line nice and steady and injury free sadly it was not to be and my calves went this time both of them and again like the marathon unable to run again (clearly races and training are totally different) as with training I can still run and walk all be it slowly. I have 4 miles to finish line so I say to myself lets dig in walk as fast as I can focus and make the finish line failure is not an option if I look after myself I will make it. I had no regrets no sorrow no self pity this was always going to happen it has happened so deal with it and make yourself proud, make the past 3-4 months worth it, be a winner.

As most of you know setting time targets is something I try to avoid as it adds pressure or disappointment if i don't reach it especially when carrying an injury. But I set myself a goal that if I ran with Becca at speed that if I got home in under 2:30:00 that would be great and I would be happy that the injury the lack of training would make that a good goal. Great South Run 2012  To get home in that time blew my mind away that is 2 minutes 20 seconds slowly than last years time. Bloody hell even I never believed that I would do that time whilst walking the last 4 miles. Becca smashed her P/B for the race, the Southsea Sloggers as we called ourselves from last years local training all got P/B's mine was a slower time but let me tell you that was as good as any P/B I will ever get in the future.

My aim is to get my body fit to run to run the GSR in 2013 with Becca as she smashes her P/B again and I do for the first time. My GSR journey for this year was everything I could do it was a perfect day with perfect results for the people I know who run this year what more can you ask for out of a race day. Below is a link to my training page so you can see how my training went and the problems that occurred along the way some very dark days in them but I have the strength and character to get through even if at the time I felt like a total failure who would never run again. Training Logs 








 

Injury Recovery Update

I've had a long term hip injury as you are all aware as time is passing it seems to getting better, the medium term plan was to run once a week increasing the mileage one mile at a time with the hope that if all went well I could take part in the Great South Run. Now that is a big IF but it gave me hope and a goal to achieve, we all need goals even if deep down you know it may not happen, you have to have a focus to help you through the hard times. If as most likely I don't make the start line (I will not concede until last moment just in case!!) it will not mean failure it means my body is not ready not fully recovered from injury and I have the rest of my life to run. Let me tell you that after this past weekend my body has been sending signals to me, signals that I can read can understand but that I don't want to understand that I don't want to read.

The running once a week has not gone to plan I have had several setbacks meaning that really I have not run more than 3 miles without one problem or another I started with a two mile run, whilst I completed a 4 mile  session I really stopped running after 2.2 miles and then walked and jogged to get home. I have had some aches and pains in the early days with the hip and they have now gone but with no great milage done its hard to tell how its doing. On the plus side my hip is getting better quality recovery time and that can never be a bad thing. The last couple of weeks I was trying to run 4 miles the first attempt ended at 2.2 miles First Run 
This is when my calf first went I spent the week icing my calf stretching my calf and I was confident that the Sunday just gone would be good.

Well that fell apart on the Saturday whilst at work walking around my beat my calf just went (you gotta be kidding me body I was only walking) and it was only a half day as well, the afternoon was football at Fratton Park the calf strain was not that painful apart from when it happened so I still walked there and back if nothing else it allowed me to stretch the calf out. Notice how sitting down doing nothing is not an option anymore! So Sunday afternoon comes work is finished (more walking done) and my calf feels good to run, I am realistic to know what is likely to happen as long as I go steady and not like a bull in a china shop which I have been guilty of in the past. The run starts off well then 1.75 miles in BOOM Run two Please read the notes on this I won't repeat it.

Now the calf problem is affecting my cycle riding which is frustrating I will have to reevaluate what I am doing do I wait and try running again next Sunday and I may or may not break down or do I leave it a week or so and try riding the bike instead  as this will not have the impact on my legs but I will still use the calfs cycling. What to do?

Whilst trying to stay positive I would be lying to you and more importantly to myself if I did not admit my failings and my struggles since I have had my hip injury. Here goes I have gained weight since this has happened I weighed myself this morning at 102.5 kg my lowest weight was 97.5kg  thats an increase of 5 kg   or 11 lb I noticed when I was Sky news that I was a little heavier (sort of knew to be honest) then my latest photo in my new dinner suit. I have to get out of the spiral of self pity and feeling of being useless, I have noticed little things I have started to do that I have not done since pre pods. I am not proud of doing them the worrying thing is that I did not realize I was doing them until now.

Eating for eating's sake is the worse kind of eating and I have been doing it for a little while now, looking back at some recent post's I have been talking a good game of going back to basic's but its only been talking paying lip service to it and plodding on through thinking I will back to full fitness soon and it will all be alright I will be running cycling doing boot camp and the weight will come off. Hello anybody in!!! Its not going to happen that way. I have to accept the frustrations of my injury I will have to allow my body the time it needs to recover I will have to accept that the Great South Run won't happen and deal with it all sensibly, rationally, and  calmly getting myself fit so that I can enjoy my running again.

I will make a promise right now to go back to the very beginning and do what I was doing back then losing weight without any exercise, I will sit down and have a chat with Hazel tell her how I am feeling what I have been doing wrong why I have been doing it wrong. I will do all the things that I used to when when I changed my lifestyle I will go to early not sit up late snacking etc I will listen to my pods and not the radio I will get back to the mindset of only eating when I'm hungry rather than feeling sorry for myself I will get out on my bike first and run second until I am fully recovered rather than concentrate on the one run a week because of the Great South Run and let the cycle riding slip up (cannot believe I allowed that to happen so soon after buying bike)

I have let myself go a little bit, dealing with problems is still very hard but at least I have the tools to be able to deal with them, if this was the old days I would have been depressed, given up, be comfort eating 24/7 feeling bad about myself and eating some more just to get that tiny tiny fix of feeling better whilst eating junk food. I hope that one day I will be fully able to make the right choices all the time straight away without falling off the wagon a little first. What I have noticed and its a little sad is that I have still have problems liking me for who I am with all my faults with the little bits I still hate about myself.

Work in progress.

This is not a post about self pity or giving up just a post about how I am, how I feel the fact that life is not easy or goes to plan sometimes, about my struggle to come to terms with that part of my life and make me a better person in the long term. To put the brakes on and say Darin enough you are better than this pull yourself together get back on track and enjoy your life and carry on helping others to enjoy their lives and experience what you have in the past 18 months.

As Trevor whispers in my ear (I do listen) "Nothing is easy just Possible" I understand that very much and use it to help me through my journey, I guess I think that after all this time and all my achievements so far (more to come I promise) that everything should be easy, if it was easy it would not challenge us to improve as individuals and we would by default revert back to type. That is what keeps me going making sure I never ever revert back to type. I will have hiccups along the way its how you deal with them how fast you see them and who you ask for help that make the difference.

I will end with my watch word a word that can be frustrating to start with but over time when you have stuff to look back on to see how you have improved is very powerful because without it you will most likely fail.

"PATIENCE"      

The News (Portsmouth) Health Awards 2012

Back in April the local Paper started its Best of Health Awards 2012 This was the opportunity at the right    time for me to recognize and thank the last person in my inner circle that needed something special from me to them. Dr Lorraine Albon.   

Lorraine is a Saint she has been my Diabetic Doctor at QA Hospital for many years, yet whenever this overweight useless depressed bad Diabetic man turned up to see her and she listened to my pitiful poor and often lies about how I was looking after myself covering up the fact I clearly was not doing what I should be and to be very fair at that time did not care really. I was unaware/did not register at that time that my Diabetic results were very poor and Lorraine knew I was clearly saying one thing and doing another. Yet she kept on seeing me always trying to help me offering help trying different things to try and get me to change my ways to have pride in myself to make myself better in the long term. 

I would just like to add that writing that paragraph it looks like everything Lorraine tried failed nothing could be further from the truth, how can you change someone like me (at that time) who does not want to even help myself its impossible to do, just by keeping going never giving up on me that was the true work of a Doctor who cares about her profession and her field of expertise. 

Moving on and this is a good time to set the record straight about the publicity that happened in February 2010 I think that I first spoke with Lorraine about Bariatric banding/surgery in 2008/9 I had done an enormous amount of research on the internet before I mentioned to Lorraine about the possibility's of surgery and the benefits or not of  looking down the route. At the time I was not fitting the criteria but banding/surgery was an option in the future I also had two co-morbidity's so this was not for me a weight loss method but an opportunity to be free of Diabetes of sticking needles in me which I really really hated. In 2009 Lorraine applied for funding for the surgery if I lived 8 miles away in West Sussex I qualified for surgery on all levels living in Portsmouth the obesity level was higher. I fought the PCT solely on that fact and none other for a whole year. 

Realizing that I was not going to get the surgery I went to the The News with me story what happen after that was unexpected and tough The News run a front page which was a shock but not as much as the following few days as the story went around the world not just in print but the internet, national radio and television unfortunately the story was run on sensationalism side rather than the human side. Do I regret what happened at the time yes some of the comments were down right evil and not helpful at all. From that bad press I got the help I needed from Thinking Slimmer so I don't regret anything sometimes you have to go though tough times to reach the good times and appreciate more what you have. All through this period I had the support from Lorraine that I needed knowing that the whole process was being done on medical advice helped me through the process. People need to realize that decisions can only be made at any given time on the information that is available at that time which it was.

Thinking Slimmer did something amazing it worked 46 years of diets trying and failing something was finally working and yet again Lorraine stepped up seeing that I was losing some weight and before I had even started doing some exercise she said those immortal words that I first choose to ignore in the vain hope Lorraine would never ask again you can do the Great South Run 10 miles I think not. Things have now changed I am different Lorraine had planted a seed without me realizing it, I then started doing x box fitness training in doors way to embarrassed to go to a gym plus I hate them. 

So I have another chat with Lorraine the conversation goes like this "you really could do the the Great South Run you only have to walk one minute and jog one minute that will get you to the finish. Me in my head "Oh my god, Lorraine did not forget I'm in trouble now I have not run since I was 18 years old" Lorraine carries on with with her conversation and the killer sentence that means there is no escape no excuse "I will run it with you." Bombshell right there bang caught out how on earth do you say no thanks to be fair I sort of knew Lorraine would mention it again. Three hours after that chat I am signed up for my first ever run and its not a small one either 10 miles later to be 10 glorious miles around my home city. The rest as they say is history a running machine is born. 

Lorraine offered loads of help and support and we ran the the Great South Run after that race I had entered the Brighton Half Marathon and the The London Marathon Lorraine and I have also trained several times together and we will run together again in the future. Lorraine did not have to do any of this and bearing in mind how bad a patient I used to be this is even more amazing that people have faith in me to change my life for the better because I had my doubts that I had it in me to make this work for the rest of my life. 

Nominations Doctor of the Year. 

Having nominated Lorraine and only having two hundred and fifty words to use I was glad to have nominated Lorraine for me just doing this was my way of saying thank you. Knowing what great Doctors work in the local area I was only hoping to get Lorraine on the shortlist which I had achieved so we both went in to the evening to enjoy the meal and celebrate the great work that others do. Of course I wanted Lorraine to win but one of the great things I have learnt is to manage is expectations not every one can win I was happy with the nomination.

Another Goal reached wearing a dinner suit and being comfortable.

 There were twelve categories and the Doctor of the year was the second to last there was a runner up and a winner in each category. Its now time and the all names get read out I lean across and whisper in Lorraine's ear good luck. The name of the runner up gets announced and flashed up on the big screen on the stage DR LORRAINE ALBON.   

And the winners are

Off Lorraine goes up on to the stage to receive her well deserved award and get interviewed by Fred Dinenage I shed a tear or two I cannot begin to tell you how proud I feel and shocked to be honest. Lorraine gives a great interview and gets another round of applause and goes back stage for a quick interview with the The News and comes back to our table. 

This award is not just about me nominating Lorraine but about the way Lorraine carries out her duties as a Doctor she is not afraid to challenge, ask questions, make difficult decisions that need to be taken. I am not the only person that Lorraine goes the extra mile for there are many patients in the past present and future and the most important thing about Lorraine is that she cares very deeply about her patients even useless patients like me, the fact that Lorraine never gave up on me is a big part of who and where I am today. I will be eternally grateful to Lorraine and look forward to helping to inspire and encourage others in the future.

To everyone who has and will follow my journey in the future the running was started because Dr Lorraine Albon saw something in me that I did not. And every glorious step has and will be worth it for the rest of my life.      

              

Injury Update

Today was Chiropractor day I went there with great optimism although how do you say 2 bike rides one of 12.9 miles and the other 17.35 miles was taking it easy with a straight face was a challenge I think I pulled it off!

Joking aside the first bike ride was to my Mum's on Monday and the second bike ride was to my Dad's, I gave myself three whole days rest between the two to see if my hip flared up or not, even this morning apart from my legs being a little stiff when I got out of bed which is normal (I'm no spring chicken anymore)

1st Bike Ride  2nd Bike Run

So I had my treatment and we talked as we do about whats happening the fact that the bike riding is good for my hips and helps which is great news, and then I get the shock of my life we talk about running again just  one run two miles only then leave it for five miles to see how the hip copes then go for a three mile if all is good then another five day break up to four miles then see how we go. Now you think I would be singing from the rooftops but having gone through the ringer the last few weeks, I am a little worried to be honest and the only reason for that is the fear of failure the fear of getting closer to maybe never running again.

How stupid is that? what I should be feeling is the opportunity to nurse myself back to fitness slowly and safely to give me the best chance to run injury free in the future. My first response to the Chiropractor after him telling me was to confirm that I could still ride my bike in between the runs and that if I felt any hip pain that I would stop and wait to see him again. I am looking forward to doing my run and starting the process again hopefully my body won't break down but if it does I'm better equipped this time to deal with it and the bike riding is the difference this time. I also think with all the information I've had lately that being more level headed is better as well.

I have loved both my bike rides so far the fact that I can now ride without the worry of making my hip worse will be a relief and allow me enjoy it a bit more. I think its worth noting that I'm using a mountain type bike and not a road bike, this is the bike that I hated riding last year and whilst I'm enjoying it so far I feel that if this is the way go and mix and match or just bike riding then I need a fit for purpose bike. The other thing that is a little worrying is that other bike riders are overtaking me now I know most have not been riding there bike for one or two hours.

I know that I feel good having cycled for that long and feel amazing and maybe some more speed would come from a fit for purpose bike there again it may not, the fact is as always going out and doing it is the victory the fact I'm loving riding a bike I hated and pushing myself is amazing. I think what I'm trying to get across is that I have learned a lot over the past couple of months I have kept all my options open found other ways to train and learnt that I need to give my body time to heal. Frustration is a word I have used often but as long as I find information and learn from it I will come out the other side a better person and athlete.