I feel the need to write this blog in the hope that I can move on, I am now officially worried that I still feel this way, the feeling of negativity scare's the life out of me, I am concerned that I am starting to make the wrong choices I am now thinking I am being lazy which is wrong, there is no right or wrong way to train its about what's right for me not how often I do train and the most important thing is that I enjoy the training/running.
It is now 5 weeks since the London Marathon and the one thing I don't need to do is run 4 days a week putting in 30-40 miles a week, when I was doing this I struggled with finding the time and doing the mileage and enjoying doing it, I was wishing the marathon date to arrive quickly. Now 5 weeks later I feel like I'm cheating myself because I'm not training as hard or as long. Is it possible/right to find the training hard and tough and question yourself why, then when its over miss that amount of training and intensity to the point that you struggle to find the get up and go.
I sit here today (23/05/12) on a late shift for work its a lovely day and it would be a no brainier to go out for a run, yet I made the decision not to. I made the decision to stop writing this blog because for the next 2 days I went out and ran http://runkeeper.com/user/DarinMcCloud/activity/90571514 and I felt stupid about writing this blog when I just went out and ran for 2 days! The going out and doing the training is fine yes its hard but I am posting better times so working harder to improve my running fitness etc, I have also just started boot camp who knows the old saying "I am never doing" "boot camp training they are crazy people" (insert your own bit) well I have made the plunge and started I have different muscle groups now aching which is good as it shows improvement.
This week I had boot camp on Monday night then 2 days off work and another boot camp on Saturday (shift work getting in the way again), training 3 days in a row is too much for me I learnt that lesson from the marathon training, so why did I feel so guilty again over the weekend and yesterday for not training. Is it because I'm not training 4 days a week? Is it because I'm not running 30-40 miles in a week? Is it because I'm so scared that if I'm not training I am failing myself or worse still you guys that follow me? Is this the first step to not being bothered and saying I did my bit I surpassed what even I thought I could achieve that's it I'm done? Do I not say that rest days are just as important as training days?
This is clearly affecting me in a slightly negative way(negativity is bad, again really scared about depression). I know that what I am doing is right running, boot camp, rest. I also love that I am helping Tracey Cox achieve her goal of the race for life 5k by doing better than just walking it. The positive vibes you give me Tracey help me to push on in my training session's where before I might walk a bit, now I push on that little bit more, Its no good me saying one thing and doing another I'm a firm believer in leading from the front always remember Tracey I am getting just as much out of this as you are putting into it.
I feel this blog maybe a little disjointed but having started it a week ago I felt it important not to change what I had already wrote last week. Is this all just post Marathon Blues, it was an amazing day, an amazing year that's for sure or is it something else that I am battling against? What I do know is that I need to trust my instincts, my training is very public and on show for everyone to see deliberately so and with no regrets and I need to learn to switch off on a training rest day and enjoy myself without spending the day thinking I SHOULD BE RUNNING, I am letting no one down least of all myself.
Just to add other variable in to the mix the decent weather has now arrived, having trained all through the winter maybe I think I should be out everyday in the good weather just because!!! whatever the reason or the answer's I felt it important to write this blog for my own sanity but also for others who read this to understand that we are on a new life journey we continue to learn and evolve but we are in a far better place to question our thoughts and feelings without fear of going back to our default actions (whatever they me be to you)
This is my journey to lose weight the natural way after all the negative publicity.Thank god there are good people out there to help people like me.
Hi Darin. I have no real words of wisdom for you I'm afraid but I can share what's going on in my head. I didn't like running before the marathon. I like it even less as I trained for the marathon. Since that day I gave myself a couple of weeks to recover and then I went back to basics. I run for me. I run to clear my head. I run to get the endorphins that get me through my day and I run to keep fit. I don't run to lose weight because I know there are other more effective exercise options for that. So now I get up every day and get dressed in my running gear. I go for a shortish run before work. It doesn't matter how fast I go or how far I go because this is my time. And now I am looking at barefoot running and I have found a way to run that I enjoy. It's all about me.
ReplyDeleteSo why do you run? What is it giving you? Work that out, and then work all the other stuff out around it to make sure it continues to give you whatever you need. Maybe that is your way through this? And you know all those goals you set with the slimpod? well maybe once you have worked out why you run you can update those goals to include your running ones too.
Just a thought.
Darin you have become my very special long distance friend. The inspiration you have given me to take control of my life and to take control of something i NEVER EVER thought capable of is something i will be etenally grateful for. While the pods were the start of my journey i truly feel its been YOU who's spurred me on and helped me to make changes for the better and to know that i'm helping you too makes me very happy. :-)
ReplyDeleteNow for me to give the advice. I really think you're being too hard on yourself. You got to the Marathon by training REALLY hard and you got into a routine of training really hard. Now you're no longer faced with the Marathon you no longer need to push yourself as hard as you did then, but of course you're going to miss it (even though you didn't enjoy it as much) simply because it became a part of your routine.
You're right about one thing. Your running has become a very public thing but you are letting no-one down by not pushing as hard. I love to read about your training sessions. Its gives me something to aim for. I think to myself on a daily basis - 'how did Darin get there?' and it spurs me on to make choices i wouldn't have without knowing you.
You feel bad for not training as hard with the running but you know you don't enjoy training 3 in a row as you know its too much, but how about finding another sport that you enjoy and throwing that into the mix. Challenge yourself to learn something new, to have something else to aim for? Start cycling, swimming, playing tennis.....anything to give you that spark of starting out something afresh, something new for you to firstly enjoy and secondly to give you that feeling of having a new challenge.
The Marathon was like climbing a mountain you've fought your way to the top, now its time to enjoy the view!
*HUGE HUGS* xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU - you have put into words EXACTLY how I am feeling. I can't believe I'm going to say this but I miss the marathon training - I miss the massive sense of achievement of completing a ridiculously long training run - I miss the looks that I used to get when I told people I was training for a marathon. I just miss it full stop. This is despite getting very bored of the training two thirds of the way through.
ReplyDeleteI was warned this would happen. Apparently it's totally natural and happens to a lot of people - knowing that you feel the same is a great help. Part of my problem is that I like to be following a plan, to feel like I'm working towards something rather than just freestyling my training. So, I've found a 10K training plan and am going to use that. And then I'll move onto a half marathon one for the GSRun.
I also agree with Tracey about finding a new challenge, something new - hopefully Bootcamp will help you as you start to see your improvements week on week. I'm thinking about starting a spin class or *can't believe I'm going to say this* finding a bootcamp near me. I've also just signed up for this
http://original.grimchallenge.co.uk/
It makes me feel a bit scared just thinking about it, and I think that's a good thing - it's what I miss. That feeling of 'I wonder if I'll actually be able to do this...'
One thing is for sure, you are not lazy - you're just finding your new 'normal'. Someone told me that once you've done a marathon you look at the world differently and now I know exactly what they mean!
Read this today and thought of your blog -
ReplyDeleteThere are two things to aim at in life; first to get what you want, and after that to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind has achieved the second.
Logan Pearsall Smith