Feelings of Starting Again

As you are aware I have come a long way since I started my journey from the weight loss to exercising including all the amazing running and cycling achievements I have completed and plan to do in the future. I have had many ups and downs and they still continue which is the reason for writing this blog. Let me try and explain where I'm at right now.

Before and after my trip to Cuba I had made the effort to lose the weight I had put back on and start to lose some new weight this I managed to achieve getting my weight down to 94kg (lowest before this was 95kg) I am sitting here writing this blog extremely disappointed with myself, in the past 3 or 4 weeks I have fallen off the wagon on a massive scale far worse than any of the previous downs I have had. My weight is 98kg I am mortified that for the last 2 weeks I was aware I was eating all the time worse still eating crap bland tasteless rubbish but still I could not stop myself.

Have I come out of the other side? truthfully at this moment no I have not, I am hoping that writing this blog will kick start me to get back on track and take control of food rather than it controlling me. I am listening to my pods everyday I just have trust they will kick in very soon, they always kick in so I'm not worried about failure. So that's where I am at the moment on the food side a successful failure.

Again as you may be aware I am still having problems with my legs, getting them/me stronger to be able to cope with what I require them to do will be a slow and as I have just found out a painful process.I have a two pronged assault to this problem. The first one is core exercises, I need to strengthen my core muscles as this is the cause of my leg problems my core muscles are so weak that my legs over compensate thus causing me to break down. The second one is Pilates my body is clearly not the temple I believed it to be (more like a two up two down that needs renovating)

As always when I go looking for something (lifestyle related) that I need I tend to find what I'm looking for, waiting asking questions not rushing in seems to pay off for me which is good as I have had a life time of throwing good money after bad, my aim now is to spend it wisely and correctly the first time thus saving money at the same time. I had a couple of options only one seemed to meet my needs but require's travelling out of town to achieve it, I have been twice in 3 weeks (shift work still gets in the way) and it feels right and comfortable I feel I will be able to achieve my goals.

So I have been twice I do a 1 hour core circuits session followed by a 45 minutes Pilates, the first thing to note is how hard they are to do, I can do a couple of the core circuits no problem but most I seriously struggle with, this just highlights how weak my core muscles are and how hard I will have to work to see the major improvements needed to make me run and cycle faster and longer. As I look around the room watching people do new exercises that I am learning for the first time I can see that whilst they are better at them than me they are pushing there own boundaries and fighting there own battles, I still feel like a complete beginner with no experience which if I'm honest I am a little shocked by.

As for the Pilates I have always known my body is not supple at all I don't feel such a novice doing Pilates solely because I knew I was starting from way beyond the start line. I have enjoyed the Pilates its very hard I struggle to hold some of the positions for the time required but I do know I will get better as time goes on. I have the knowledge and experience to know that these feelings of being the newbie of learning new exercises I will not only benefit from keeping going I will also get better as well. Both sessions are very very hard at the moment I hope that over the next couple of months they will just become hard.

My plan now is to get control of the food again lose the weight I have just put back on and some more I may even take some time off work on a Tuesday night to get some extra sessions in and to make up for a couple of football games as Pompey play a on a Tuesday evening. My long term goal is to complete all 3 Duathlons next year and the York2Pompey cycle ride. They are great goals that will keep me focused on working hard and help me to get fitter stronger and faster. I'm sure that for a few more weeks or more I will do these Tuesday sessions I will push myself harder than I should so I give myself the best opportunity to stop the pain from lasting 4 days as my body screams at me whilst it recovers from my endeavors.

As I have always said Patience is the key nothing will improve overnight I have to remind myself of that every Tuesday because the easy option is just give up this week I had those thoughts they did not last long because I will never give up, I will always challenge myself no matter how hard the obstacles may be.