Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Injury Recovery Update

I've had a long term hip injury as you are all aware as time is passing it seems to getting better, the medium term plan was to run once a week increasing the mileage one mile at a time with the hope that if all went well I could take part in the Great South Run. Now that is a big IF but it gave me hope and a goal to achieve, we all need goals even if deep down you know it may not happen, you have to have a focus to help you through the hard times. If as most likely I don't make the start line (I will not concede until last moment just in case!!) it will not mean failure it means my body is not ready not fully recovered from injury and I have the rest of my life to run. Let me tell you that after this past weekend my body has been sending signals to me, signals that I can read can understand but that I don't want to understand that I don't want to read.

The running once a week has not gone to plan I have had several setbacks meaning that really I have not run more than 3 miles without one problem or another I started with a two mile run, whilst I completed a 4 mile  session I really stopped running after 2.2 miles and then walked and jogged to get home. I have had some aches and pains in the early days with the hip and they have now gone but with no great milage done its hard to tell how its doing. On the plus side my hip is getting better quality recovery time and that can never be a bad thing. The last couple of weeks I was trying to run 4 miles the first attempt ended at 2.2 miles First Run 
This is when my calf first went I spent the week icing my calf stretching my calf and I was confident that the Sunday just gone would be good.

Well that fell apart on the Saturday whilst at work walking around my beat my calf just went (you gotta be kidding me body I was only walking) and it was only a half day as well, the afternoon was football at Fratton Park the calf strain was not that painful apart from when it happened so I still walked there and back if nothing else it allowed me to stretch the calf out. Notice how sitting down doing nothing is not an option anymore! So Sunday afternoon comes work is finished (more walking done) and my calf feels good to run, I am realistic to know what is likely to happen as long as I go steady and not like a bull in a china shop which I have been guilty of in the past. The run starts off well then 1.75 miles in BOOM Run two Please read the notes on this I won't repeat it.

Now the calf problem is affecting my cycle riding which is frustrating I will have to reevaluate what I am doing do I wait and try running again next Sunday and I may or may not break down or do I leave it a week or so and try riding the bike instead  as this will not have the impact on my legs but I will still use the calfs cycling. What to do?

Whilst trying to stay positive I would be lying to you and more importantly to myself if I did not admit my failings and my struggles since I have had my hip injury. Here goes I have gained weight since this has happened I weighed myself this morning at 102.5 kg my lowest weight was 97.5kg  thats an increase of 5 kg   or 11 lb I noticed when I was Sky news that I was a little heavier (sort of knew to be honest) then my latest photo in my new dinner suit. I have to get out of the spiral of self pity and feeling of being useless, I have noticed little things I have started to do that I have not done since pre pods. I am not proud of doing them the worrying thing is that I did not realize I was doing them until now.

Eating for eating's sake is the worse kind of eating and I have been doing it for a little while now, looking back at some recent post's I have been talking a good game of going back to basic's but its only been talking paying lip service to it and plodding on through thinking I will back to full fitness soon and it will all be alright I will be running cycling doing boot camp and the weight will come off. Hello anybody in!!! Its not going to happen that way. I have to accept the frustrations of my injury I will have to allow my body the time it needs to recover I will have to accept that the Great South Run won't happen and deal with it all sensibly, rationally, and  calmly getting myself fit so that I can enjoy my running again.

I will make a promise right now to go back to the very beginning and do what I was doing back then losing weight without any exercise, I will sit down and have a chat with Hazel tell her how I am feeling what I have been doing wrong why I have been doing it wrong. I will do all the things that I used to when when I changed my lifestyle I will go to early not sit up late snacking etc I will listen to my pods and not the radio I will get back to the mindset of only eating when I'm hungry rather than feeling sorry for myself I will get out on my bike first and run second until I am fully recovered rather than concentrate on the one run a week because of the Great South Run and let the cycle riding slip up (cannot believe I allowed that to happen so soon after buying bike)

I have let myself go a little bit, dealing with problems is still very hard but at least I have the tools to be able to deal with them, if this was the old days I would have been depressed, given up, be comfort eating 24/7 feeling bad about myself and eating some more just to get that tiny tiny fix of feeling better whilst eating junk food. I hope that one day I will be fully able to make the right choices all the time straight away without falling off the wagon a little first. What I have noticed and its a little sad is that I have still have problems liking me for who I am with all my faults with the little bits I still hate about myself.

Work in progress.

This is not a post about self pity or giving up just a post about how I am, how I feel the fact that life is not easy or goes to plan sometimes, about my struggle to come to terms with that part of my life and make me a better person in the long term. To put the brakes on and say Darin enough you are better than this pull yourself together get back on track and enjoy your life and carry on helping others to enjoy their lives and experience what you have in the past 18 months.

As Trevor whispers in my ear (I do listen) "Nothing is easy just Possible" I understand that very much and use it to help me through my journey, I guess I think that after all this time and all my achievements so far (more to come I promise) that everything should be easy, if it was easy it would not challenge us to improve as individuals and we would by default revert back to type. That is what keeps me going making sure I never ever revert back to type. I will have hiccups along the way its how you deal with them how fast you see them and who you ask for help that make the difference.

I will end with my watch word a word that can be frustrating to start with but over time when you have stuff to look back on to see how you have improved is very powerful because without it you will most likely fail.


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