I have waited 24 hours to write this blog as I want to be honest with how I feel and not turn it into a winge fest of indulgent self pity (I hope that at the end of this post I have avoided that). So here goes lets state the obvious I had to pull out of this race the good news was I did not have to pull out because of my foot injury although my foot being weak did not help.
The night before the race I was nervous and scared, strange feeling to have now but I think it was down to the fact that all joking aside I do take my health and fitness seriously, I may make the wrong choices or decisions sometimes the important thing with that statement is I am making decisions about me I am in control of me I know my body I know my mind I know what I need to do to make me feel good about myself. I also make a lot of good/brilliant decisions and its easy to forget that we make those decisions.
For the record starting this duathlon was the right decision. Why? I hear you cry when you DNF.
Race day I am confident that I will complete the race I am confident that the 10 days rest has helped and I will get round, if I thought that would not happen I would not have started the race. So the race start's and I have 4.75 miles in front of me we run down towards Eastney I notice after 1 mile I am in last position as the last rider bike Marshall is on my shoulder, this somehow had a calming effect on me and I just concentrate on my running I am feeling good I have no worries, my foot aches a little but that's normal since the orthotics but I am running too a good/fast pace I feel comfortable and relaxed.
I get down to Eastney to the small ramp onto the beech the race director is there as the lead runner Marshall waiting for the front runners to come back as we have a little off road bit to do. I give him the thumbs up let him know I good and have no problems (if only I could change what happened next) I run down the ramp and you pick up a little speed as I reach the bottom and turn left on to the stones (I'm not sure how many steps I took) my ankle twist's and the pain shoots through my foot. BANG that's it I know in my head that it's all over Portsmouth Duathlon Series Race 2.
I don't take quitting as an easy option, injured or not. I make several attempts vain attempts to carry on, you can see at the end of the run in the timing charts the peaks and troughs at the end, that was me giving myself every chance to carry on to try and see if by some miracle I could carry on. Clearly that was not to be I stop trying I hobble back onto the main road where I get picked up and taking back to the start finish area and report to the finisher that I have to pull out and hand over my race tag. A hard thing to do but very important so that the race director knows that everyone is accounted for. Official Race Results
It would be good to mention Nicola Seal the other runner who DNF. Who had a accident and needed transferring to QA Hospital to be checked over. I was able to do my little bit and offer some support whilst waiting for medical aid to arrive. I hope its not to bad and your able to run the next race in 4 weeks time.
It was one of those moments that anything can happen at anytime to anyone, this race had two separate incidents and two DNF's I sure that speaking with Nicola she is just as disappointed as I am that we now cannot complete all 3 races of the series.
That does not mean I was not any less disappointed frustrated and annoyed and feeling sorry with myself. Twisting your ankle (we have all done it even just walking along the road) can just happen, as much as I spent most of yesterday feeling like a failure like a clumsy useless idiot I needed to go through that thought process without blogging the raw emotion and saying things I would regret today. Yes I really do feel the disappointment of yesterday and I will feel it for awhile I have trained like never before to get ready for this event Training Sessions Duathlons are very hard but are now second nature due to the past 6 weeks.
I know that goals are not set in stone and they can be adjusted, setting a goal like completing a 3 race series is pretty much as it says on the tin so not achieving that goal is frustrating finishing 2 out of 3 is not good enough as well done but!!!! This hurts me so much I know it shouldn't but it does, 24 hours of wallowing in despair feeling sorry for myself is enough I need to be positive move on from this and let it go.
I feel it important to write the negative side of how I feel because whilst I try to be a role model and inspire others I am not perfect I am only human it is work in progress and the most important part of that is that it takes as long as it takes. Patience is the key word.
So the positives of the day are that my foot did not give in or break down it was the twisting of the ankle that caused the problem so that means after a few days recovery I should be able to run again the plus side is the next Duathlon is a 3 mile run 14 mile cycle and 3 mile run so I can do plenty of cycling to protect my foot a lot longer. I started the race and feel justified with that decision, it was a racing incident that stopped me.I am not a failure I gave myself every chance to try and finish and I took the correct action by pulling out of the race so my longer term goals can be achieved, that first mile was fast yet still it only got me last place, never before have I been so proud to be in last place.
That is the biggest thing I can pass on is to take the plunge enter a race do whatever is your thing if your last or slow it does not matter taking part is the best thing ever. I will never give up I will always push myself and if being at the back of the field is my place its so much better than being at home on the sofa. Having spent nearly two weeks resting my foot, the sofa is not the place I want to be it has been no fun at all and was a sad reminder of what my life used to be like.
I have quite a few races I wish to run this year I have them all planned out some include days out at a Zoo with a run (No photos of me as Hazel visit's the animals!) I was going to enter them all. This weekend has taught me that until I am fully fit and injury free I need to hold back on entering them until nearer the time as I put myself under pressure to run these events having paid an entrance fee. I am happier not to run in training and rest but come a race day its like I must run it because I have entered it. I will hold back.
I hope this blog makes sense and is written in the right way. Disappointments and setbacks happen all the time in all aspects of our life, I realize that my biggest fear is giving up and reverting back to type of feeling sorry for myself, comfort eating giving up on myself and having no pride in myself.
How STUPID am I this will never happen I will not allow it to happen yet its my biggest fear and something I struggle with all the time. I will reach my goals and I will continue to enjoy the good times and try and make the setbacks not so traumatic. I need to say this.....I did not fail, I did not let myself down, I did not let anyone else down and I did not embarrass myself in any way.